10 SIGNS YOU ARE UNDER A PSYCHIC ATTACK: A PERSONAL ACCOUNT

    by Bella LaQuatra

     

    A psychic or energetic attack:

    The act, the post trauma, and psychology that thereafter follow- is not much unlike any other form of attack.

    Except, of course, for the lack of tangible and physical evidence.

    And similar to any other form of attack; the victim usually can’t fully wrap their mind around what’s exactly happening to them until after the act has already occurred. Processing the experience is even more difficult in psychic invasion, because you are dealing with the esoteric over the physical plane.

    All attackers work on the element of surprise, but especially in something of a metaphysical nature: The victim never sees it coming.

    I know I never did.

    The person who attacked me did it intentionally.
    I don’t know why I was attacked. Does anyone ever know why they’re attacked? I can only assume it was because I was perceived an easy and appealing target.

    I barely knew my attacker. I was hardly suspicious of him and hardly thought about him. I kept him around my peripheral for months into the attack not realizing he was the person to blame. I even asked him for help when I started suspecting something was awry, which shows the extent of malice and manipulation I was handed.

    Like all abusive people, my attacker wanted to isolate me from everyone and everything that fed me emotionally and spiritually so I would be vulnerable, broken, and easily manipulated.

    For the duration of the attack, he was successful.
    Growing up I knew I was an empath and aware of the ethereal, but I always intentionally turned the other cheek. If I would see something, have a premonition, or demonstrated any of the qualities mentioned in this article, I would simply let them slide out of my focus.

    Bella3 Image Source

    I never played with Ouija boards, tarot, any divination tools, or went ghost hunting. I understood the danger for someone like me to work in the other realm without proper guidance and training and I likened myself to an esoteric Christian.

    I liked the aesthetic of things like “vibes”, “karma”, “energy”, “being love” , “the moon” and all those other commercial cliché’s surrounding new age thought. Aside from that superficial acknowledgement, I chose not to look further. I didn’t want to go there. I avoided going “woo woo” at all costs.
    So in the late autumn of 2011, I was hesitant- but eventually allowed my attacker into my space and my house on the premise of smudging/ clearing it after I had failed several attempts. Or so I thought.

    I knew a few people who had consulted with him before and gave him recommendation.

    This seemingly innocent act spiraled out of control and devolved into a surreal waking nightmare that stole two years of my life.
    I suffered from severe PTSD for more years following,
    but that’s a different story for a different day.

    *Disclaimer*:

    Before you decide that you’re under psychic attack or are experiencing otherworldly activity, please rule out and exhaust every other possible cause to what you’re experiencing. Because often times, there is a logical answer.

    Don’t be a woo woo esoteric unicorn fairy poser (aka in the words of Carolyn Elliot- a basic witch) when you can just take care of life like a BOSS and be a normal human being.

    Bella4Image SourceBella5Image Source

    PS- I totally agree with Carolyn. If you say “yoni” instead of “pussy” because it sounds more “spiritual” and “exotic” & you prance around in a field wailing butt naked eating LSD to become “powerful” because you heard or read somewhere once that the shamans and Mayans did it; you are a basic witch.

    PPS- Similarly, I once had a friend who was told her new apartment would be 100% cleared of a flea infestation if she let this basic witch channel “positive reiki energy through her magical bracelet into her home to raise the vibrations.” Witch, you don’t need vibes!!! You need raid!!!

    If you do things like the above mentioned, you are probably a basic witch and I probably hate you. I’m completely just kidding and being dramatic. I don’t hate anyone. Especially no woman. Women supporting women is my happiness. But I am squinting my eyes at you skeptically.

    Doing things like the above mentioned is not magical. It’s just stupid, silly, stupid silly, and ridiculous.

    Use your brain, people. Your logical one. Your literal planet earth brain.
    Don’t be stupid silly and ridiculous. Don’t be a basic witch. #endrant

    Bella6Me trying really hard not to judge a basic witch. Image Source

     

    It should also be noted that there are people who truly suffer from profound mental disorders, like paranoid schizophrenia and other extreme dis-ease. Make sure that you have exhausted true mental illness as an option as well.

    However, if you have ruled out every above mentioned and every other possible scenario, have done your due diligence and homework, and still have no answers to unexplainable phenomena that is occurring; you very well may not be “imagining” your experience.

    It may NOT be a reflection of you, a perception of you or something you lack, or any of that “oneness” new age jargon.

    It is actually possible that your third eye is blown open and you are under an attack or invasion. You don’t have to sit back and take it; and you absolutely do not need to settle or resolve yourself to living in that state.

    If you or someone you know thinks that this may be happening to them,
    evaluate these 10 signs and symptoms of likely being under a psychic attack:

     

    1. You are given some type of omen/ people start going “woo”.

    Mine quite literally came from a man I was involved with.

    I really liked this man, a lot. I thought he really liked me. I was only 21 and had no urgency to go beyond that simplicity; I was on some “wild young and free” mantra at the time. But I felt very happy and optimistic about the connection we shared and our blooming relationship.

    I was at a very happy and optimistic point in life, in general.

    One October day, he seemingly out of nowhere shared with me his own experience from a few years prior, where retrospectively, I heavily suspect his third eye had been blown open.

    I remember him shaking, quiet, and asking me what I thought about the ordeal. I had to pause. I thought what he experienced was real, I managed to say after a few moments.

    I contemplated out loud; “sometimes things that are physically happening can start to take on a life of their own energetically and vice versa- then we can see them from both angles.”

    Bella7Image Source

    When he left that day, my feelings and excitement and uncertainty of a new relationship were replaced by the deepest feelings of fear coupled with profound care towards him.

    I would realize years later the story he shared was an omen.
    What I perceived as fear towards him was actually premonition of what was to come between us.

    2. You become physically sick with no scientific or tangible evidence to explain why or how

    I first sensed something was wrong because I started suffering terrible migraines, and I rarely have headaches. They lasted days on end.

    That was in the beginning.
    As the attack progressed my health deteriorated.

    It’s interesting to note that the pineal gland (your physical third eye) is related to the endocrine system, which regulates hormones.

    Retrospectively, I understand that my third eye was blown open to serve as a defense mechanism. At the time, I didn’t know any of that.

    All I knew is that something was wrong and my hormones went haywire.
    And they did go wild.

    I gained 20lbs within a period of three months, developed cysts in my breasts that had to be operated on, and had a crippling period for 90 straight days followed by 30 more days of irregular patterns that left me bed ridden.

    Doctors double and triple dosed me on birth control to make it stop with little effectiveness. They were worried I was going to bleed out.

    3. Extreme lethargy and/or inability to sleep

    When your energetic field comes under extreme duress, your rhythms lose themselves in the chaos.

    Most psychic attackers are primarily there to steal or feed off of your energy.

    I couldn’t get up many days during my attack, before and after I had overcome my physical ailments.

    Usually a yogi, I did not have the strength to get through asana. My arms would collapse. I barely had the strength to lift my head and spent a lot of days hiding under the covers.

    I would constantly crave sleep. My body felt “heavy” many days as if someone had sucked the life right out from of me. It felt like someone was sitting on me, smothering me, asphyxiating me. I couldn’t bring myself to move.

    Contrariwise, at night I would sit up for hours on edge; scared and vigilant. I wouldn’t feel ok to fall asleep until it was light outside again.

    As someone with a long history of depression at the time, it felt like depression. But this was different- because I knew I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t self limiting. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t abusing drugs or alcohol. I wasn’t taking anything.

    4. Feeling that you’re being watched, that your thoughts or the thoughts of those around you are being invaded by something or someone

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    The memories from this part in particular are tough to digest; they were traumatizing, bizarre, surreal- and if you’re weird and fascinated by this noise, stay in touch. Maybe we can talk about it.

    For the purpose of this article, what I can say:

    If someone tells you they can read, manipulate, or control the thoughts of you or anyone around you, and you feel the slightest sense of intimidation or inclination that this is actually occurring, believe your intuition, believe them, and stay very far away from this individual.

    Invading and controlling someone’s thoughts is not moral or ethical for a witch, wizard, pagan, priest, psychic, mystic, medium, shaman, whatever the hell Hogwarts character you want to call yourself, or anyone involved in woo woo isms.

    This is not okay. Nobody is allowed to take over your space or another’s without explicit permission and a sign that someone can is a sign of greater danger.

    5. Patterns, Symbols, Signs

    Traditionally, the media, folklore, and most in the field (or on the astral plane, however you want to look at it) mark psychic invasion and attack by a reoccurring theme or motif for the victim during this time frame.

    Symbolism is probably the most prominent feature of psychic invasion. It’s a defense mechanism for the third eye to communicate below that something is amiss: A warning sign.

    I had several; one of them was birds.

    I dreamt about birds. I drew birds. I saw birds. Birds saw me.

    I had a stare down with a bird for ten minutes on my front porch, it inches from my face on the hand railing. My yard was filled with them, my car was swarmed by them, and they flew into my windows constantly.

    People started giving me bird themed gifts. The above mentioned man friend took up a strange fixation with birds and birdhouses.

    A girl friend who was actually a psychic medium and who consequently was dragged into this whole ordeal similarly started seeing dreams and visions of birds .

    (Yes, I happened to have a friend who happened to unknowingly be a psychic medium and happened to experience this entire situation with me. 2012 was really weird and I dubbed it the astral shit show.)

    There were ugly birds everywhere and I knew they weren’t working in my favor. I hated them.

    Pay attention to patterns, signs, and symbols. They are telling you something.
    There is no such thing as coincidence.

     

    6. Loss of Hours, Memory, Time

    After awhile, everything began to blend and blur together into a time without a time, a space without a space.

    Bella11Image Source
    I would frequently have dreams and premonitions that would soon after happen in real life, and more so than not, I had a really hard time differentiating between the two.

    I couldn’t remember what I was dreaming about and what I was actually experiencing here on planet earth. Truly it didn’t matter because ultimately, they were all telling the same story, just in multiple ways and perspectives.

    I mentioned before that my third eye was blown open, and existing almost solely on the psychic realm for any period of time- let alone multiple years, completely erodes your sense of any time constructs.

    I still have huge gaps in my memory during that time frame, have no recollection of people I met, and frequently forget my age.

    If this is because linear time completely ceased to exist for me for two years or because of PTSD, I’m uncertain. But my relationship with time has been fractured ever since.

     

    7. Other people can corroborate what you are experiencing, or sense that something is off

    There were a total of seven people including licensed health professionals who at some point, were affected or influenced by what was happening around me and to me. Their stories, experiences, and level of involvement varied but all of them repeatedly told me,

    “Something paranormal is happening here.
    I’m experiencing this too.
    There is validity to what you believe you’re experiencing.
    You aren’t crazy.”

    And trust me, I spent a lot of time ready to commit myself.
    I was certain I had gone completely bonkers.

     

    8. Your intuition is telling you something is way off

    I wasn’t able to share or recall what happened to me for many years. I couldn’t revisit it until recently. Those who I have shared it ultimately always ask me, “How did you know?”

    You just know.

    Knowing wasn’t the difficult part, at least not for me.
    The difficult part was listening to my knowing and my intuition.
    Allowing my rational mind to quiet and actually believing and trusting in myself; for me- that was most difficult. And I really like this article about it.

    But at that point in my life I spent a lot of time in complete denial.

     

    9. Animals act awry

    Animals are very emotionally intelligent and connected to the spirit world.
    Every animal I associated with at the time went ballistic, became sick, or both.

    Pay attention to your animal’s behavior.
    If something’s off, something’s off.

    10. You’re told you’re being attacked.

    I was told multiple times that I was under attack. At first I didn’t know exactly how or by whom, but I was always certain that there was malicious intent and something was wrong.

    Bella12Image Source

    If you are under attack you need to take massive action.

    I mentioned I was in denial. “What if I’m just observing a naturally occurring event from a psychic perspective?” I would rationalize with myself.

    I had a misguided certainty that if I just left it alone, smudged, and prayed, that it would go away.

    So I laid in bed awake every night, clutching a cross, an icon, and various religious memorabilia terrified out of my mind, exhausted, and I prayed endlessly. I spent my time researching online what I was experiencing and reading the ancient teachings.

    No amount of sage, holy water, Google, or prayer is going to lift a deliberate attack.

    These tools are passive. An attack is aggressive.

    It’s also probably not in your best interest to use drugs, ghost hunting gear, tarot, or any kind of divination tool without being under the guidance of someone educated and an expert in the field.*

    *Basic witches need not apply. Please for the love of humanity do not apply! That’s when trouble happens.

    Looking back, it seems pretty simple and common sense that I would have taken action to combat what was happening. But people do weird things in crisis. The most logical response isn’t always what happens on instinct.

    I am certain that my attacker held greater power, control, and satisfaction over me from being afraid; and in fact relied on it to keep me docile and feed into his energy.

    What you DO need to do:

    You do need to face the attack with the same assertion and aggression that is being channeled towards you. I didn’t do that.

    Human beings have three responses to crisis: fight, flight, or freeze.

    BellaFreezeImage Source

    I froze. I froze in the most profound way possible. I lost my words and lost my ability to communicate what I was experiencing; because at the time I didn’t really know what I was experiencing.

    After all, I never wanted to go “woo woo” in the first place. I had avoided it. There was a lot of confusion and lack of clarity on what exactly was transpiring. So I was afraid.

    Disbelief held me captive, but disbelief also helped me from having a complete nervous breakdown.

    It wouldn’t be until the early autumn of 2012 that I realized with absolute certainty and clarity that this wasn’t natural and I had been set up. It wasn’t until late that December I started taking baby steps towards fighting back and getting help.

    By that point in time I wasn’t eating, talking, or interacting with the outside world and my thoughts had turned very dark and inward on myself.

    All of my relationships (every last one) that existed during the attack had crumbled out from under me. I was no longer in school, working, or pursuing my artistic endeavors and I’m not entirely sure what or why or how any of it had happened.

    All I knew that the goal of the attack, as it had been presented a year earlier, had come to fruition. I was disconnected, scared, and vulnerable.

    I have a beloved friend who has pulled me out of metaphorical hell more times than I would care to admit. He is pretty much kindred to a brother, and taking on the role, he came over to my house one night in the middle of the night to check on me. He was worried about how erratic my behavior had been over the previous months.

    I babbled fragmented nonsense like a shell-shocked war survivor as he cradled my face in his hands.

    He held me while I cried and shook violently from anxiety, and eventually coaxed me to get up. He escorted me out to the car with his arms fully wrapped around me; ushering me out of a war zone. Before we got in, he told me to never go back to the house. I cried the whole time I drove him home. I cried non-stop for a month straight.

    End Note:

    I never went back to that house. I never went back, ever.

    I completely cut off contact with my attacker. These were my first steps towards getting out. It would be six more months before I would get the help, answers, and clarity I needed. It would be six more months before I was energetically severed from the attack. It would take years for the trauma to clear my system.

    I did recover. There’s truth in “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And stranger. It’s actually still hard for me to fathom that this happened, and that it happened to me; because in retrospect it seems like a horror movie.

    I’m fortunate that my life is pretty fantastic nowadays thanks to those who cared for me, mentored me, and protected me to see me through this experience.

    If you or someone you know has a story or situation that vaguely resembles this one, I want to help: Let’s connect.

    Similarly, if you just want to say hello or creep on me: go ahead, creep away.

     

    About the Author:

    BellaBioBella doesn’t always talk about esoteric & metaphysical things, but when she does it’s for cool humans and bad witches, like the ones in this community. She does like to talk about “real” life things, practical and applicable things, and does so professionally. With other people. Nowadays you can find her on the Gulf Coast of Florida. On paper she is a Licensed Massage Therapist, Reiki Practitioner, BUTI Yoga Instructor & Holistic Nutrition Specialist; but what she really is passionate about is enlightening and empowering GEN Y, the gatekeepers and game changers for the new age.She pairs her knowledge and expertise with her intuition, emotional intelligence, and life experience to guide her work. Her coaching and mentoring has helped hundreds. Bella enjoys working in likeminded communities, particularly with women, and feels grateful to spend her time amongst some of the top health, wellness, and thought leaders of the new generation. Bella is currently working on her first book and accepting clients for 2016. Keep in touch with Bella through her website:
    http://www.genygypsy.com

     

     

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    • Show Comments (14)

    • Brooke

      With all due respect, the use of your ‘basic witch’-ing in this article is as annoying as people who use the word ’empath’ as an excuse for why they feel so much sensitivity. Having also gone through a very similar ‘attack’ over the summer I researched ‘vampirism’ and ‘psychic attack’, I reread a book by a man named Marcello Motta titled, “Astral Attack & Defense,” which lists many case studies and situations where one might experience ‘psychic attack.’ I do not belong to the school of thought associated with this book, but I did once and I still find its contributors’ and writers’ information relevant, at times. One of my favorite explanations for psychic attack is that the person being attacked has allowed for a hole in their energy bodies to let in uninvited vibes. This occurs when you are not aligned properly with your own ‘true will.’

      I think about whether or not a person can actually send psychic attack to another person and YES, you can, but only if they have a security problem (energy bodies up for discussion or not). The answer for me was to check myself and realign with my own will.

      Lastly, I think a good, authentic, 21 day reiki cleanse of myself began to fixed the problem – or some similar meditation practice that allows you to go into your astral sublayers for some serious inventory check and care. Only when I took that time for myself to closely examine the sublayers of my own astral body, my insecurities’ insecurities, could I really fix the fact that I’d let something in. Only a vampire can be vampirized and only a person who is psychic attacking can be psychically attacked. Everything changed when I tightened up my own ship and realigned myself.

      That’s my final conclusion on the matter of ‘psychic attack’, anyway. Just sharing, I’ve been wanting to ask or talk to someone else about this for a while so thank you for publishing this article.

      Actually, one more thing ….. this article is a psychic attack of its own to anyone who reads it and leaves thinking they might be going through one. Ironically – no?

      “People with a higher sense of power exhibit less empathy because they have less incentive to interact with others.”
      http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/opinion/sunday/empathy-is-actually-a-choice.html?smid=tw-share&_r=1

      • Stephanie Lynn Tanner

        I agree with this. I’ve gone through similar threats (one particularly terrible experience where I had days of excruciating, violent uterine cramping after using a gifted sex toy from a couple of psychic vampires) and have always been able to defend myself because I was completely out of alignment with the attack. My own personal protection, self-worth, and high vibration kept me from falling victim to it.

        If you are identifying as the victim, or lacking acute awareness to the power exchanges happening around you, this kind of thing is bound to happen. It’s not an indictment of your nature. It’s just revealing of your inner state of being, and that’s valuable information.

    • Patricia

      Similar story to mine….eerily similar…

      Still recovering here…

      Thank you for sharing….

      • Bella

        You’re very welcome.

    • Ken

      I’m having a little trouble reconciling the resolution to the problem with a “bad witch.” Some of us wade in streams where once an attack is recognized as such, counter measures like fermenting a crow’s heart in a rotted milk philtre and raising a dark servitor or two is the response. (That was facetious, but the intent isn’t.)

      While “putting the influence” on other people may not always be polite, it’s historically part of a witch’s stock in trade, and can be a valuable weapon in the sorcerer’s arsenal.

      In classical witchcraft, the familiar (not your pet cat) and/or fetch beast, along with other non-human and unseen allies are very handy in warding off attacks.

    • littlewing

      I am coming out of an experience of being psychically drained by a narcissist. I was in a relationship with this person. Many of the symptoms are similar. I thought it would get better once I finally saw and accepted who he was and cut off all contact, but it seems to be getting worse. I think perhaps he is punishing me for cutting off his supply, seeing beyond the mask and calling him out, or finally listening to my intuition. I have smudged, chanted, frozen him out, done burning bowl rituals with all his cards and letters, and I’m still being drained. What did you do to get energetically cleared? HALP!

      • Bella

        Hey. Thank you for sharing this. Go to my website and fill out my contact form so I can connect with you. I will get back to you as soon as I can .

    • NikkiSixx

      Regarding psychic attacks, I believe we are constantly interacting with energetic fields that can heal, harm or enhance our beings. It is the nature of living in this world with a heightened sense of awareness. It is also why there is an increasing amount of “basic witches”* as you call them.

      (*If you are into ranking people by my knowledge than consider then maybe reconsider them as foot soldiers. Dismissing another person’s desire to learn, teach and share their connection to spirit is dangerous in my opinion. There’s far too much judgment in the world for this…even if done in jest. Much like there is no coincidence and by chance, I believe there is truth in every word we speak – even when done jokingly. We need MORE people to learn the basics and increase their OWN awareness in order for the world to evolve. Sorry, but I support the basics. I do not consider connection to spirit a special thing…we can all have it, abuse it at times, be misled by it but considering we are all under attack and being blessed simultaneously it pleases me to know more folks are taking an interest. I’d rather someone attempt to acknowledge and explore the spiritual world than not.)

      Regarding attacks, my solve is as you mentioned, to trust one’s instincts about people and places. When we find ourselves with folks whom are not in alignment and throw us off our game, then the focus should be not in judgment or blame of them because one persons blessing is another persons curse, but in forgiving ourselves for not seeing the signs and course correcting ourselves. At 21, most folks have this issue . . . witch, goddess, intuit, empath or whatever the fact is the body is still 21 despite the age of the soul. We are often tripped up by the desires of our flesh.

      It is helpful to surround yourself with good friends. Call them seers, truthtellers or just people who give a f#*k about you enough that they will not abandon you. Not during health crisis, dependencies, mental illness or whatever shit storm comes out of you. Instead, they will draw closer to you, maybe keep a distant eye but still they will pipe in and tell you to drink less, eat more veggies, stop eating gluten, start eating gluten, insist you go to yoga or stop working out like a maniac. They will invite you on a vacation or straight up have an intervention and tell you to move out of that ratchet house that gives them the creeps. Basically, these folks are your real friends and they will not leave you reeling in the wind. They will have your back when you need to shift your energy. It sounds like you finally had the fortune of meeting a good friend willing to tell you what’s what!

      Thirdly, change happens because we are ready. We shift the perspective when we get into alignment and we literally build our own out. I tell people all the time never to sell themselves short. Sometimes after a reading or a clearing they will thank me for “doing” something for them. Please! They called me in to help them and I did what I do. I cannot control how they respond to my efforts…that is completely their doing. I am not a puppet master and neither is anyone else unless we allow them to be…even if it is unconscious it was still a choice. . .sometimes not even in this lifetime. (I digress!) Only when we take responsibility for our part can we continue to be co creators of our lives.

      I am so glad you wrote this. It really helped me do a much needed check in.

    • Hannah

      I was in a relationship with a man who appeared to be in many ways sane, rational and kind. He said a few things that led me to believe he was spiritually evolved, though he had explored “woo woo” very little. He talked about Chi, about personally experiencing “ego death,” and about how when people around him were emotional or babies were fussy, etc, he would concentrate on calming them down, and it usually worked. I took this as a sign that he was, as he stated, a promoter of peace in the world. Later I would come to realize that this was evidence of him exerting control over other people, invading their minds and bodies without consent. In the time since he has done some horrifically abusive and manipulative things. I should have seen the warning signs to begin with.

    • Sabrina

      Whoooooaaaaa, this is just too freaky an alignment with stuff I have experienced over the past several years, down to the desire to deny any “woo woo” aspect to the ordeal. I feel like I’m (hopefully) just starting to come out the other side of the experience. Thank you for sharing!

    • turnip

      this just happened to me this last year. the whole year was like a fever, that’s the only way i can explain it. the whole thing came on so quietly, my attacker was subtle and skillful, and everything you described happened before i knew it i was isolated, drained, and had lost all internal compass. eventually, by some miracle of self preservation i had to cut off all ties, it’s been months and i can still feel him.

      slowly starting to heal up, but it’s really, really slow. i’m weak, my power is drained, i’m not depressed (anymore) but i also don’t care about anything and concentration is still very difficult. i keep wondering if it is going to get better, or if this is it now.

    • Kat

      I believe I am under attack by my mother in law. She practices black magic / voodoo. My life is spiraling out of control when I have been so successful in the past. I need help.

    • Luna Lumini

      I went through a very strange experience. I pulled something out of my darker half ( not sure if you believe in that, but everyone has a dark and a light side ). When all was said and done, and the entity that helped me do this left on his way, I felt an extreme weight lifted off of me. I literally felt like I would’ve floated out of the chair I was sitting in at the time. The years leading up to it were strange and I was missing parts of my memory. Since then I have discovered who my Soul truly is and have become a Grey.

      Thank you for sharing. Glad you are okay now. Love and Light to you my dear. <3

    • Anne

      I had almost exactly such happen to me! I lost everything without doing anything. I was doing law, had a nice flat, several best friends and suddenly after I graduated, everything fell flat. A long string of misfortune took a life (my life) and everything crashed. I can’t say how, when or even why. Later i found out stuff and more things being exposed of who. I have severe pstd since then. It’s difficult to trust yourself, almost fear preventing you from it as if you trust yourself would mean another fall. It’s defidently something i still work on. I had so many “bad premotions” but was too young to take it seriously and it’s not easy when it’s people close to you doing it. It’s a too close-up imagine for the mind to comprehend. One “good” thing losing all is seeing the bigger picture. I cannot now imagine finding out eariler because i couldn’t have possibly known what i kniw now. As you saud, disbelief can keep one sane, for the going through the hardest parts. Now i try more realizing regardless of all sufferung and pain it’s not mine. I try interpreting it as belonging now to someone else (the attacker-s) and it cannot kill me. Not much a crazy world as there are vrazy people…

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