by Veronica Smith
I have always been one to think for myself.
My mother often brings up the story of her and I, circa grade school, having the debate of what I should and shouldn’t wear to school.
I loved loud patterns and fuzzy textures (still do). And during this ‘what to wear’ battle, I believe my outfit of choice was pushing those patterns and textures to an extreme (which is saying something since this was the early 90s).
My mom, in a last burst to bring me to my senses and change my outfit finally blurted out, “But no one else wears things like that. The kids will make fun of you!”
And then, (this is the part my mom always tells with a big grin on her face), I look at her with a touch of pity in my voice and say “But mama, those kids are wrong.”
To be completely honest, I more or less have always felt like I am doing others a service by helping them out of their stiflingly too small ‘rules’ and opening them up to the idea that yes, you can in fact live life on your own terms.
This ‘helping others out of their rules’ approach (as most of you who can relate so far can surely attest to) rarely is as appreciated as we assume it would be.
Most people love their little rules and have very little curiosity or interest in any rules other than their own.
And I do mean most people, covering the whole gamut of beliefs. Everyone, no matter how ‘free’ is still living by some system of rules.
I have Shaman friends who ‘accept all’ but are embarrassed when people act like a goof.
I have peace-keeping friends who are open-minded and ‘love everyone’ except when it’s pointed out that Trump supporters are ‘everyones’ too.
I have brilliant Atheist friends who can’t stand it that their Birth Charts describe them so well.
People’s contradictions and ‘rules’ (aka beliefs) they live within fascinate me, and my curiosity about all us funny 3D humans only grows with time.
But over the years, I have come across one belief that I am, in fact, willing to settle down with and live by.
This belief is the most profound of them all, and very worthy of an equal seat at the ‘spiritual enlightenment’ table.
This belief is the path of ‘No Shame.’
No shame that you like something one day and dislike it the next (Good! That means you’ve grown).
No shame that you have contradictions and don’t fit perfectly into one ideal (Yay! That means you have substance and aren’t a cardboard cut out).
No shame that your political views are unpopular, or your job is strange, or you have no money, or you have lots of money, or you’re a Divine Feminine worshiping anti-feminist, or a Republican Astrologer, or a deeply spiritual seeker who still eats pork and sugar.
After all these years on the ‘No Shame’ path, I finally just decided that the most reverent and profound thing you could possibly do to heal your soul is throw out all the rules, love your body as the magnificent partner that she is, and be brutally honest with your loved ones.
In short, allowing yourself to love every last part of your full-blown contradictory self and reveling in the cognitive dissonance gives you power over other, less fleshed-out, humans.
In fact, if you are fitting nicely into your box (aka doing everything ‘right’) whether that box is spiritual, relational, mental or social, you might want to check in and see what parts of yourself you’ve cut out in order to achieve that.
Stop shaming your contradictions.
Own that spiritual evolution-infused power of cognitive dissonance and go show up in the world as you really are.
You’ll be doing them all a great service.
IN CONCLUSION
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featured image Joshua Coleman via Unsplash