11 WAYS YOU ARE SECRETLY WICKED

    1. You super-love your best friend, except for those fleeting moments when you…. don’t.

    clueless-tai-youre-a-virgin

    She’s always there for you. You owe her so much. And sometimes you just feel like telling her all about herself. It’s okay. We know.

     

    2. That one time you made your younger sibling drink pickle juice while mom and dad were out.

    The-amazing-health-benefits-of-drinking-pickle-juice

    This is the kind of horrible thing you were willing to do to your little brother, back when he still looked up to you.

     

    3. You can think of about 25 things you would rather do than sort the recycling properly. So sometimes you just – don’t.

    singletear

    Your conscience is haunted by this actor from a 70s anti-littering campaign for good reason.

     

    4. The gleaming idealism of your Occupy-era politics is but a distant memory now.

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    Instead you’ve accepted that life has always been unjust and violent, even in alternate fantasy universes.

     

    5. You know you love good fur. Are you 100% sure you would really care if it came from a Dalmatian puppy?

    Cruella_de_Vil_39616

    “Hmmmmmmm, black and white is really in this season and I do have a new pair of polka-dot pumps that this would really pop with…”

     

    6. After Sansa showed up with her hair dyed black and wearing that bat-wing dress you thought maybe she should just go ahead and be the evil bride of Little Finger.

    sansa-new-game-of-thrones

    “Dang, evil looks good on you, Sansa! Go ahead. Give in. Give in to the dark side.”

     

    7. You still think Jennifer Connelly was dumb to leave the Labyrinth when David-Bowie-in-Spandex-with-a-huge-package was practically throwing himself at her.

    Jim Henson's Labyrinth

    “What are you doing, Jennifer? That’s David Bowie you’re walking away from! After he offered you his whole weird magic muppet kingdom! Sure he’s a little bit controlling and intense…. but come on, what are you going to do? Go back to junior high like nothing happened? After dancing with the furry headless Rasta people?”

     

    8. You love your significant other. But some nights, your subconscious shows you that you love a movie star just a little bit … more passionately.

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    Yes.

     

    9. There’s been a few occasions when you told a white lie that became a little… shall we say…. gray?

     

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    It’s okay. At least you’re not actually this guy.

     

    10. The people you live with – friends, family – buy tasty things. And sometimes you eat their tasty things. It’s not exactly “stealing”… or is it?

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    11. Your inner monologue sometimes subtly insults those who can’t keep up with your brilliance.

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    Merken

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    • Dr. Carolyn Elliott is the founder of WITCH magazine & is known for her uncanny and uncomfortable ability to trick really smart, high-achieving magical people into doing the things that they actually want to do. She’s the teacher of life-altering online courses, including INFLUENCE, FORCE OF NATURE, MONEY, and EARTH. Carolyn is the author of the cult-favorite creativity book, Awaken Your GeniusAwaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Guide to Uncovering Your Creativity and Manifesting Your Dreams... ... and the upcoming Existential Kink: A handbook of life-altering magic. She runs a multi-6-figure online business specializing in helping people achieve dramatic positive change in their lives through shadow integration practices and applied occult philosophy.

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