by Demetra Szatkowski
Do you feel stuck? Like what you are currently spending your time and energy on is not fulfilling you?
Maybe you have an idea (or maybe no ideas) about what would make you happier… but there seem to be too many cons to following that less-than-solid, very risky feeling.
Maybe it’s about your current career. Maybe it’s about a relationship. Maybe it’s about an environment that just no longer feels right to you.
I have good news for you… There is a blueprint to this feeling. A map, if you will. And there is a way out.
I have gone through this process many, many times.
In doing this over and over (I have left relationships, friendships, schools, and businesses), I have discovered that there is a pattern each time it happens.
And because I know it can feel so unnerving, I want to describe what this looks like, so that you can trust yourself.
Step 1: You start to realize something isn’t right.
Something begins to feel “off.”
Although sometimes this seems to take me by surprise, and feels like I’ve flipped a switch (causing feelings of: how can I just change my mind in this way; what kind of person am I??) …
…I can typically look back and see how it has been building gradually for a while.
It doesn’t always have to be a big, dramatic feeling. Maybe you just feel quietly dissatisfied.
Step 2: You ignore it
This feeling is scary, so instead, you just pretend it isn’t happening.
You blame it on your mood swings, or the current astrology, or something that cannot possibly be your fault.
Or worse, you adjust.
You think: well, maybe this is just how the world works. Maybe this relationship/career/situation is good enough for me. This is what people expect of me. So I must be doing the right thing.
Sometimes people get stuck here, and they get caught in a cycle between Step 1 and Step 2. Forever.
But you’re not that type of person. So instead, you…
Step 3: Enter panic mode
You come to a place where you realize this is a real problem.
Like, pretend as you might, it’s not just going to go away, and you might not be willing to sacrifice the deepest needs of your being to keep everyone in your life calm and happy. (And why would you?)
So maybe you have an emotional breakdown. Think: melting into a puddle of tears and sheets on your bed.
Think: hysterical moments of I’m so bad at everything in life. Why do I never know what I want?
Or maybe you’re so burnt out by this point that instead you just start to feel nothing. About anything.
You don’t know what to do, so you just don’t do anything at all.
Or… You come up with all the reasons you are wrong. Especially if you’re so self-aware that you feel this way often.
You think: What am I supposed to be learning from this? What patterns do I need to release? What is wrong with me? Why aren’t I ever satisfied with life? Why can’t I be more like other, calmer people?
I have news: There is nothing wrong with you.
And you are not “supposed” to learn anything. Much less anything that tells you your intuition is wrong.
You know how you can tell your intuition apart from anxiety?
Anxiety is an active feeling. Intuition is deeper. You know you already know what to do. So stop pretending that you don’t.
Do not do your entire being — everything that you are — the disservice of not listening to this feeling.
Step 4: Make the decision and freaking trust yourself
This always includes the decision to leave something. Something always has to be sacrificed in order to significantly grow.
Sometimes you have another option in mind, like: I want this specific career instead of the one I have now. So you take the beginning steps to get there.
Or sometimes, you don’t know what’s next at all.
When this happens to me, I think: I might not know what I want, but I know it is not this.
Do not underestimate the power of this statement. You are saying to the universe: Not this. This is not good enough for me.
That is a fucking powerful decision.
Step 5: Was I right? What if I was wrong?
You’ve made the decision… So then, there’s time for more panic.
Which is, sadly… Totally normal.
You’ll probably have at least one (if not many more) little freak-out stages of:
Was this right for me?
What if everyone thinks I’m crazy?
What if everyone hates me?
What if I was wrong?
Step 6: You wildly succeed (Or, you go back to the beginning with new lessons)
You keep taking little steps to get where you need to go. Whether you know what you want to happen next or not, this always includes steps of self-care.
Take time to grieve what you have lost. Take time to take care of yourself.
If you know what you want to happen next, you take the steps to get there. If you don’t know, doing the things you enjoy will help you figure it out.
This is an exciting space to be in. It is so potent, full of so many different possibilities. It is the space of the unknown.
And then… You succeed.
Or you fail.
And if you fail you always learn new things that will help direct you to where you want to go next. So you start back at the beginning of this process. And in that case, you are never staying stuck.
Really, look back at the rest of your life: You have never been wrong.
IN CONCLUSION
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Merken