CRYSTALS AND I HAD A BAD RELATIONSHIP or Archie Bunker is sometimes my spirit animal

    by Heather Carlucci

    I have to tell you that I have a definite strange, cranky old man reaction to certain typical items used in energy work.

    And like the small minded people who roll their eyes at my work but are ready to hear all I have to impart when their world falls apart, I’m ready to jump on those items like a sugar addict in an Entenmann’s factory.

    (Does anyone ever remember the smell on the Major Deegan Expressway once you got to the Stella D’Oro factory??  *awkward pause*  Sorry.)

    The inner Archie Bunker has always come out when it comes to crystals. I know…

    One of my dearest friends and mentors Bette is unbelievably educated in crystals and I respect the living hell out of her. I mean, she speaks in voices and has insight beyond insight and really lives on her own planet.

    And when she says that I need to be wearing turquoise around my neck, I’ve got that thing around my neck.

    Yeah, we live in a paradox.  The writer and witch Carolyn Elliot recently wrote, “Jesus hung out with whores and mafia-types only ALL THE TIME.”  to convey that we are never one thing and to lay the hell off of yourself.

    That being said sometimes life puts the pie in your face and you realize that clown/pie humor is in fact funny even though you thought it was dumb your whole life.

    So here’s my story:

    I had a client coming over for a reading about two weeks ago.

    I was running around getting the apartment ready which means I was making sure it didn’t scare the holy hell out of her. Pretty much the same if your friends were coming over and one of them you didn’t know well enough to have towels on your dining room furniture.

    Every time I went into my bedroom I saw next to my bed a rolled up piece of light blue saran wrap.  Not terribly strange as I figured it was from a piece of furniture I had to assemble and the extra screws were wrapped like that.

    Was it odd that it was weeks later and the saran wrap was next to my bed? Sure. But as a good friend with a farm and 4 grown autistic children said to me yesterday, “We don’t have usual around here.”

    After seeing it in the corner of my eye for the fifth time I went to pick it up and victoriously throw it away. But as I grabbed it it wasn’t plastic wrap at all. It was a chunk of aquamarine.

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    So remember when I said when the chips are down I AM ALL ABOUT WHAT WILL SAVE ME?

    Well, about two months ago my mom got one of those really vague diagnoses.

    The kind that say there’s something but it could be a tumor or a lost child from your early 20s or absolutely nothing at all.

    My parents now live in another county’s distant islands so medical help can be less reliable especially when it’s in another language.

    My folks were coming back to NY soon and Bette said to make sure my mother had aquamarine with her at all times.

    FINE. Aquamarine ordered.

    My parents arrive.

    She sticks the aquamarine in her pocket.

    (The results from the tests were a big zero. Nothing wrong.)

    And she keeps the crystal with her.

    But now it’s next to my bed in my room.

    Bette always says that crystals travel. I can believe that since whenever someone gives one to me it’s gone within the day. Of course nobody wants to hang out with someone that doesn’t believe in them, do they? And it seems I’m the bad boyfriend in the scenario.

    I call my mom and ask her about her crystal. She’s in a car about an hour away. She checks her stuff.  She doesn’t have it.

    So I actually do something smart.

    I pick up the aquamarine – which admittedly feels great in my hand – and look up what the aquamarine helps heal. What chakra does it support and all the different symbolism behind it.

    And I keep it in my hand.

    Then I start my usual pre-reading ritual. I tune into the client. I listen to hear what’s going on with them.  Where their energy stands. If I’m feeling it I burn some palo santo (my odd feelings toward sage at another time) and I sit with the quiet and start to take on the energy physically (this comes from the medical intuitive part of me).

    The client shows up. It’s a difficult but beautiful reading.  A little bit of a spiritual “come to Jesus” moment – no pun intended.


    I couldn’t deny it. My old man “I see you cut  your finger off so just rub dirt in it” crap was eclipsed by magic.

    (Well isn’t it always?)

    A few months ago I had a reading by the one person I have do a birthday reading for me each year.

    I was a little reprimanded for not being more confident in my gift.

    “Why don’t you have a power table? You should have a 100 watt light bulb of a power table!!! Why don’t you have a vision board? What do you mean ‘no updated business cards’?  What are you waiting for???”

    He did tell me what to get for my power table.

    I went to the local crystal shop (yes, there is one) and I bought what he said but I also grabbed a few things that caught my eye.

    So I do have a table with these things on them. He told me to get:

    • A pyramid “Very strong for you right now”
    • Yellow Citrine “Put it on your third eye”
    • Yellow Obsidian
    • Shattuckite “Two. One to keep on you and one for the table”
    • Topaz
    • “And whatever you’re drawn to, get it and educate yourself.”

    After the Great Aquamarine Escapade of 2017 I got the message.

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    Next reading a couple of days later was for an old friend.

    He’s up in Maine so I always do a phone reading for him. The night before right before I went to bed I looked at my somewhat more impressive power table and the big chunk of red obsidian was staring at me. I took note, rolled over and fell asleep.

    I bought the red obsidian on a lark. It spoke to me. It was shiny and looked more masculine than the other crystals I had. They were tumbled and felt smooth and comfy in the hand. The red obsidian had sharp edges and where it was smooth it was so flat that the heft laid heavy when I held it.

    An hour before the reading I was back doing my pre-reading ritual. The red obsidian still giving me the eye. I picked it up and sat with it.

    I looked up what it could aid in healing and soon forgot it.

    Mark called and I first told him the story of the aquamarine. He’s always enjoyed a good story.

    “And so, last night and today I’m getting side eye from the red obsidian” and Mark bursts into a belly laugh.

    “Heather, I know only one crystal. I bought it when I was on tour in Montana in ’97. It’s been around my neck ever since. It’s red obsidian.”

    One more time with the next reading. It was a tough one.

    A client with a heavy burden, a very big wall up and they knew everything.  I held a rose quartz in my hand and spoke more carefully than I usually do. I needed support with self love for both of us with what she walked in with.

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    I find that in this time of public uncertainty, the most disarming thing is taking an even bigger more gentle step toward kindness.

    I was unsure I could be so delicate in my words. Or more so in my tone. I honestly know the rose quartz calmed my voice.  In it’s own self love way, it brought in the big guns. The love artillery. The reading moved on. Tears flowed.

    And in my own way, when I share crystals with friends in need I am still my usual grumpy self  “Here. Don’t ask. Just put this in your pocket”.



    If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.


    About the Author:

    Heather Carlucci is a medium and medical intuitive. She works extensively with doctors and healers and her private clients. After 30 years in the restaurant business she came out of her woo closet. It surprised no one. Except for Heather. You can check out her website or say hi via Instagram and Facebook.


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