by Kezia Vida
There’s no doubt about it — sexual dreams are some of the most visceral dreams out there.
Whether the sex is amazing or extremely disturbing, it can be difficult to forget intense sex dreams.
No matter what the content, sexual dreams, similar to sexuality itself, can often be shrouded in silence, breeding shame.
In this article, I’ll outline some of the most common types of sex dreams, and offer simple ways you can transcend the stigma of the dream and tap into its power.
Amazing Sex With A Former Lover
This dream can take many forms and is very common. Frequently, dreamers experience sex with a former lover that is very pleasurable and arousing.
Dreamers often report these kinds of dreams to me with sadness or frustration — why are the dreams bringing up this reminder of intimacy that is absent from waking life?
It’s important in these moments to remember that the feelings in your dreams are 100% yours. Meaning, you get to feel them whenever you want, and they have nothing to do with anyone else!
Instead of lamenting that this sexual connection is no longer a part of your life, just feel how attractive and turned-on you are in this dream.
Remember that those feelings live inside of you–they don’t depend on anyone else to feel right here and right now. Soften your focus from the other person in the dream and instead concentrate on the erotic energy you felt in your own body during the dream.
Use it for a special self-love session!
Sexually Traumatic Dreams
If you’ve experienced sexual abuse and have a sexually traumatic dream, understand that the dreams simply wish to assist and encourage you on your healing journey, and there are many wonderful dream practitioners that can assist you with this.
But if you haven’t experienced sexual trauma in this life, you may still experience very disturbing sexual dreams.
Dreams depicting incest, rape, or molestation, particularly of children, can be some of the most difficult dreams you’ll ever have.
The first step is to release shame and/or judgment of yourself for having the dream. Understand that depth of feeling in the dream as a gift, not a judgment or punishment.
You can understand these dreams as using the imagery of sexual abuse to symbolically illustrate a violation on a psychological and/or spiritual level.
Focus on the feelings that came up during the dream, and how they could relate to a struggle you are having — particularly around asserting your desires, having your boundaries violated, and/or being aggressive when presented with vulnerability in yourself or others.
Remember we are often most violent and aggressive towards ourselves. So, if we are the perpetrators of sexual violence in a dream, there’s a good chance our victim is an aspect of us.
Gender-Bending Sexuality
Another common type of dream that can either be exciting or disturbing to the dreamer are dreams about having sex with a partner of opposite gender you normally do, or experiencing being a different gender than you are.
So, for instance, if you identify as a lesbian, having a dream about having sex with a man, or if you have a penis, dreaming you have a vagina and are being vaginally penetrated.
It’s important to remember simply having a dream like this does not mean that you secretly are not a lesbian or that you should consider a gender transition — if those ideas don’t feel right to you, then they aren’t.
Instead, encounter a dream like this with curiosity and wonder — after all, it very well may be the closest you’ll ever get to this kind of experience.
Release yourself from the idea that you have to take a particular meaning from the dream. Instead, consider how the feelings in the dream compare or contrast to the experiences and feelings you have in your waking life.
How do the shifts in gender roles change your experience of sex and desire in the dream? Do you feel more or less free, more or less empowered, more or less vulnerable?
If the feelings in the dream were positive, what could you do to integrate the experiences in your dream into your current sexual life?
Almost Having Sex
In my work with dreams, I have found that as often as people have dreams about having sex, they have dreams about not having sex, of missing sexual connections, of seeing others having or enjoying sex, or being full of arousal but not being able to consummate that desire.
Dreams like this are always an opportunity to examine whether there is some way your desires aren’t being met or fulfilled.
The most obvious would be in your sexual life — is the feeling in the dream familiar? Is there some way you are blocked, or something that is getting in the way of you fully experiencing sexual pleasure?
If you feel fulfilled sexually, these dreams could also be referencing blocks or obstacles to intimacy, connection, or passion in other areas of your life, like your creativity or your community.
On the other hand, the dream may want you to feel this kind of anticipation to remind you of what it’s like to desire something so deeply.
After all, it is from feeling desire like this that we can find great stores of energy and determination.
Just as our waking sex lives are filled with nuance, depth, and complexity, so are our sex dreams.
Approaching sex dreams, and really all dreams, with humility and genuine curiosity — and releasing any urge to shame or judge yourself based on your dream — will lead you to a rich exploration that is certain to bring you great insight.
I hope this overview of some of the most common sex dreams was helpful for you, and if you ever have further questions, don’t hesitate to reach out!
IN CONCLUSION
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