by Kezia Vida
Do you dream of love? I do.
I’ve dreamt of being told by a man with weepy eyes, “I just love you so much”. I’ve dreamt of loving nature, the way the leaves glisten in the puddles on a misty stroll in my favorite park.
I’ve dreamt of the love children feel playing circle games, and of walking down cobblestone streets with a beloved saying, “I just love taking care of you.”
Just as often, I dream of lack – a deep sense that love is nowhere to be found.
I’ve dreamt of saying just the wrong thing and being demonized or attacked, of being lost, alone, filled with anxiety.
I’ve dreamt of searching for love from room to room, and finding it nowhere, lost in the loneliness of an anonymous sea of people.
Through my years of working with dreams, I’ve learned I must be willing to drop all of my judgments and expectations about them in order to learn from them.
My dream practice becomes so much more powerful when I recognize my dreams as sacred gifts of divine wisdom, created specifically for my healing, transformation, and growth.
By accepting that even my dreams of love’s absence are here to help me grow, I have been able to experience an ever deepening well of intimacy and connection in all of my relationships.
Using Dreams to Nurture Love
To start, when presented with dreams where I’ve felt unlovable, unloved, rejected, unseen, or simply unable to find love – I pause and take a deep breath.
It’s never easy to accept that there is a part of us that is shut down to the possibility of love. We all have our reasons, and there’s no doubt that they are legitimate.
But then I remember to accept the dream experience arrived to offer me healing.
So I ask myself, am I willing to become a loving witness to this experience? Obviously, it’s a challenge. But when I take it on, I grow deeper in my capacity to experience love.
Dreams where we felt love can be an incredible ally in this process. Whenever I’ve had dreams like this, I savor them as much as possible.
I write the dream down, draw a picture of it, put something that reminds me of it on my altar or under my pillow.
Often, I just bring my mind’s eye back to the moment of the dream and simply try to feel that love again.
Don’t get me wrong – this can be truly scary, bringing up all kinds of vulnerability and intensity. I think it is actually one of the bravest things human beings can do.
What If I Don’t Dream About Love?
If you’re someone who has not had an experience of love in their dreams, you’re not alone.
If you’re someone that has felt burned so many times by the abusive acts of others and are convinced love is for fools, you are not alone.
And if you’re someone who has trouble even fathoming a daydream of what loving yourself or having someone truly love you would feel like, you’re definitely not alone.
I say this because I have been in all of those places, over and over. But slowly I’ve realized that it is our longing for as much as our experience of love that proves we know what love is.
In bringing love to the parts of ourselves that are shut down, we remind them of what they have forgotten: the possibility of feeling love is available to all of us, in any moment.
I understand if this sounds ridiculous – and trust me I still have so many moments, just in the past week, where the idea of feeling love seemed miles away.
But then I remember I am a human being. I have one of the most powerful and creative imaginations of all the creatures living on this earth.
I can take that one small little twinkle of love that I felt one day years ago and I can sink my mind’s eye back into it. I can feed it, and I can allow it to grow.
I can actually use my imagination to bring my body back to the sensation of love, no matter what is going on around me. To me, it’s the most powerful magic spell.
Ready to try it?
Think of a time when you felt love, deep in your heart, even if it was only for a moment. Bring yourself back to it, to feel it again inside of your body. If you lose your focus, come back. What resistance comes up? Sometimes there are other feelings we have to feel before love can flow. What stories does your mind start telling you? Listen to them, notice them without judgment. And then try to take another step closer to that love.
Dreams have given me so many gifts, my favorites are the ability see how I judge myself and others, when and what I project in my relationships, and where I am shut down.
When we observe the ways a lack of love shows up in our dreams, we discover pathways back to experience a love that nourishes our minds, our bodies, and all of our relationships.
As I’ve walked this path, my dreams of love that seemed previously like fairy tales have actually come true – the man with the weepy eyes I dreamt of 8 years ago is now my beloved partner.
It’s never been an easy walk. But I feel completely overwhelmed with gratitude when I think about the majestic ways my dreams have shown up and taught me that a love like this was possible.
My deepest hope is that this will inspire you to begin a deep and nourishing relationship with your dream of love, and if so I wish you so much joy and courage on your path.
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About the Author:
Kezia Vida has been using her dreams for healing and transformation since 2009, and working with other dreamers to do the same since 2012. Her life’s mission is to support others in discovering the potent and precious truth in their dreams, and promote the multitude of ways dreams can be used for creative inspiration, healing trauma, and nurturing powerful, loving relationships. To learn more about sex and dreams, come out to her upcoming workshop, Mind F*ck: What Your Sex Dreams Really Mean, or follow along her path of dreams on Instagram or Facebook. If you are interested in diving deeper on this topic, I’ll be teaching a workshop in L.A. next week all about sex, love and relationship dreams with amazing sex educator Anne Hodder. It would be an honor to have you there!
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