They call it the lightning path.
The Lilith myth felt like a lightning bolt to my soul.
Adam had a 1st wife, she was his equal, and she left. It’s the kind of story that has the power to dissolve the reality you know. It dissolved mine.
I went from only knowing a life as Eve: married, subservient, peace keeper to choosing a life of Lilith: divorced and offending the structures, relationships and beliefs that had kept me in place for a life time.
I once lived in my own form of Eden. It was comfortable and unquestioning. Then the apple arrived and I realised I had a choice.
There are warnings in the articles I read about Lilith – she has the power to destroy the life you know. She also has the power to set you free.
If you find her in your life, chances are, you are not aware that the life you know has already been destroyed. I ended up leaving my Adam and escaping the confines of Eden.
These are the lessons that Lilith showed me:
1. Know your myth: living in the garden
We live in a monotheistic, patriarchal world. Although the predominant myths vary slightly, they bend around the same structures.
Man is Adam, woman is Eve.
A quick glance at who is leading our world shows you – there is no equality – men are on top. Growing up in these structures felt uncomfortable, but I interpreted that by believing I was wrong for not being able to fit the mould.
For as long as I could remember women who were stay at home wives with husbands who could provide for them were glorified.
Teas, lunches, shopping, and gossip were what fuelled a fulfilling life. Finally I figured out the rules for the game in Eden and I was winning.
Long term committed relationship, first boyfriend, from my home town, all round approval, and the cherry on the top: the diamond he put on my finger before the milestone age of 30.
I believed I was achieving the ultimate pinnacle in society and was on track for the perfect life. I didn’t stop to think about what I was committing to.
When you don’t know you’re living in a myth it is hard to question it. It was only after I’d achieved what society had told me was right, and I still felt wrong, that I went searching.
When I eventually discovered Lilith a few years into my marriage, the mirror I was using to reflect back my perfect life shattered.
Lilith was the perfect antidote for the patriarchal poison I had been willingly swallowing. For a time I still wanted to live in both worlds – the pretence of fitting in with the majority and the discovery of who I really was.
But as I got comfortable with who I was, it was too difficult to keep pretending.
The Lilith myth showed me there were alternative female archetypes, and she was part of the original monotheistic story I’d grown up on.
She showed me how strong the narrative was for women to fit into a certain role; she had been demonised for choosing a different life and was eventually written out of the story all together.
She also showed me her story could not be erased as it is written in women’s souls and will continue to be lived as it is too painful to ignore.
2. Beware: compromise can kill
That pain for me was the wear and tear of years of compromise – the number 1 rule in the Adam and Eve version of marriage.
Compromise teaches you to measure your wants and desires against another’s. Your life naturally becomes enmeshed and ill defined.
When you believe your character is made from the rib of your mates it makes sense that two become one. The pain of separation becomes unbearable and the fear of leaving or being left makes it an almost impossible choice to choose yourself.
When you are both created separately from the earth you can celebrate yourself as an individual and trust that individually you both have the strength to support yourselves in the lives you choose.
I believed I was a strong independent female, but I was so ready to hand over my power in the name of compromise.
I lost myself to the role of the good wife. Those compromises became the cracks in our relationship and not the foundation.
Lilith came to show me: it’s ok to question and to criticise. I wanted equality. I would not be subservient. This was labelled as being selfish.
If you are a Lilith trying to play Eve, not being selfish will hollow you out. Know your role – you have a choice – wife is one option, so is compromise. But there are others.
If you are not conscious of your choices you hand over your power. Lilith showed me it was ok to choose myself.
She would not compromise on her equality. Adam pleaded, angels pleaded, even God asked Lilith to return, but she chose her own path. She chose freedom.
Some interpretations of Adam and Eve’s exit of Eden associate the snake as an embodiment of Lilith, the temptress.
She offers the knowledge of good and evil. Before Lilith entered my life, my values were clear: the primary value was commitment.
I had made a sacred vow. Something I believed I could maintain as long as I didn’t question and totally in line with what society had taught me.
But there it was – the shiny, juicy, red apple. I didn’t know I was hungry until I saw it.
I bit. My foundational values slipped from beneath my feet.
I was confronted with the truth: the shadow is created by the light. There is no right and wrong, no good and bad.
Lilith was known as the killer of babies. The destroyer of innocence and comfort. The provider of freedom and independence.
Fear is what holds us in place, it takes a very loud call or a life shattering event to move us.
Knowledge can also be painful. There will be many people who will want to protect you from fear and pain, you will probably want to protect yourself.
I am still in the throes of transformation. I do not know what is on the other side.
I do know that I am far more comfortable in the chaos than I was in the soft cushions of protection.
I do not know what rules to follow, but I finally hear the call of life.
I don’t know where the path leads. I only know what step to take next – the step that makes me feel alive.
Are you uncomfortable in your reality? Question the myths you have been taught, look for new ones.
Life’s call is strong, if you feel like compromise is killing you, choose what makes you feel alive, if you are a woman, you will most likely be labelled as selfish from the people who want to protect you from the fear of change and the pain of knowledge.
The longer you stay uncomfortable the more likely that a life event will shake you into your new reality.
Listen for the call. For me it came from Lilith.
About the Author:
Lilin is a daughter of Lilith. She is opening up her mothers wound to discover how realities can be destroyed and created. She is working on creating a new reality of power and freedom while bringing together her sisters, the daughters of Lilith. Join her on the Facebook page Daughters of Lilith and Instagram @daughters_of_lilith.
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