by Jane West
Perhaps we can shed light on a dark pocket of this journey inward, where the participants of life, and the rules of the game, seem like they erred. Where the external world does not feel like a true reflection of the one so carefully constructed within. Where “they did wrong.”
It often begins with lofty and highly dangerous thought proclamations along the lines of: “I asked for something different. This is not what I wanted.”
And so the game begins.
The rules of the game are as follows:
Rule #1: It must be fully felt before it leaves.
Sorry. This one is non-negotiable, and will be felt in increasingly enormous waves as we continue to thaw our emotion.
The “thing” that is so vile and repressed, that has served as a foundation for entire infrastructures we have built the surface of our lives on; that “thing” underneath, with no room to breathe, is none other than life itself.
When you are exhausted and strung-out by the impossible aloneness of it, and begging for something (anything) to change, that is when to receive. Ask “what do I have to learn?” And really the question is: “how much will I be tormented me before I give myself over?”
Rule #2: Learn to stay conscious.
The heavy scent of allure; fame, drama, love, is almost irresistible. It’s seduction drives our lives.
We are in a constant state of being seduced away from ourselves, bewitched by an extremely compelling, idealistic, illusion. Upon seeing this, another part of ourselves is repulsed, shocked, and shameful that we could be so foolish. And inside that moment is the gift of getting to know yourself.
Two polar parts that strongly, fiercely disagree, and neither will yield unto the other. They quite literally wage war, and choice is not between which one will win. Will it be fear, or will it be love?
No. There is no right or wrong. The ego is getting dissolved in this fight. The only choice is between staying compassionate for this moving, writhing, fluid mass, and still retaining a sense of self, separate from the mass. That fine line is consciousness, and it is but a witness.
If you’re smart, and like learning quickly, you’ll take the shortest route. That means a lot of prayer, meditation and yoga. (Joking, it will still take one lifetime.)
Rule #3: When something chimes a bell within, commit to it.
This one is most definitely a journey, and the things that you love will change, as will you. But with journeys of awakening, commitment comes highly recommended.
Pensive reflection, analysis and questioning is not the saving grace. It is often deep abiding faith and belief in another person, thing or way of life that means the difference between sinking and swimming. Practice is bridging the gap between two worlds, and knitting them together. Learn about my favorites at My Orgasmic Living Experiment.
Otherwise, the current of emotions can be splashed about in for lifetimes. Plus, the Matrix is very compelling.
Often, people who have experienced devastating loss (a child dying, for example) only kept going because they had their routine job. It’s so simple, but keeping a routine, or practice, while opening the infinite abysses is probably the most important skill we could ever hone.
Seekers of truth (addicts) often go off the deep end and harm themselves or others in the face of “just having to know.” It’s like trying to prove nature’s existence by burning down a forest. At the end of it, it’s just you, in a burnt down forest with a long way home. Great fun, and unsustainable.
Rule #4: Get to know Truth.
The truth is much more subtle than emotional forest-fires; it is varied and nuanced, just like humans.
It allows for shortcomings, it forgives mistakes. Perhaps most importantly, it isn’t dependent on another person’s acknowledgement of it.
While it is very rewarding to hear the long-awaited accolades of “you got it right!” the Gift is far, far more delicate and timeless than that.
It can be found within simple willingness. Become willing to forgo every expectation, every should, every idea of righteousness.
Silence the relentless critic of the mind. It then becomes far easier to accept the situation because, the situation is always, always incredible.
If you’re lying in the gutter, I can bet you didn’t just slip. It’s judgement of it that just keeps getting stuck, to each other, and the same cyclical circumstance (see Rule #1).
Rule #5: Slow, down.
As with sex, as with life. It doesn’t have to be done all at once; soothe yourself in the knowing that it will come.
It will go as slowly as time takes it. Bearing witness to the unconscious patterning that has laced the web of life together is an immense undertaking. It requires internal tectonic shifts, and absolute external acceptance.
The locus of attention switches completely, from external to internal. Something that could be gratified quickly and pretty instantaneously, by surprises and success; “we got the offer”, “we made the goal!”, becomes instead the long, slow, arduous, winding path of becoming whole.
There are no whistles or bells or anthems sung, because there is no finish line to cross. Rewards come in the form of bumping into others that have found themselves swimming in the same flotsam.
Rule #6: It requires constant recommitment
– or the gifts that are trying to be acknowledged (the part of life that has risen and wants attention) cannot be received – and if not fully received, not at all received.
This path has such little worldly gratification, it requires a lot of attention and focus to remember why, what for. Is this even a desirable life path anyway?
Now is a good time to remember the person you asked to become. This one is a slow burner. Eventually, you will go beyond the point of no return. You will go off path, you will blame, shame and complain. Good friends will gently point toward the light, and demonstrate where to find love again.
And guess what?! The answer isn’t in obsessively calling the guy who doesn’t reciprocate affection, nor is it at the bottom of a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. It’s in the steady routine of practices, remembering, returning – what you chose, and keep on choosing.
It’s in admitting that you lost yourself, for a moment, and becoming willing to change tack in the face of fast-paced glamour. Get back on the repenting, humble track.
And it requires, once again, to walk into oblivion. Going in with a blank state, completely surrendered, expectations blowtorched off, except the part that is scared shitless of what’s to come. And reminding yourself, that without exception, you are loved.
No matter what you’re doing, where you’ve come from, what mistakes you’ve made, what ever mistakes you’re going to make, you are always, always loved.
About the Author:
Jane’s natural talent, to be perfectly honest, is perfect honesty. She has a remarkable ability to notice every detail about you – how you look, how you feel, how you communicate, and reflect back to you in brilliant detail what she sees beyond the appropriate, normal every day prattle. Her sight penetrates below the surface into the cracks and crevices, all the places that get glazed over and numbed out.
Spending time with Jane will breath new life into the hidden places in your heart and psyche.
Sitting with her as she takes you into her heart and tells you what she finds is an experience of raw intensity and insight beyond what most people have ever experienced. Her rare blend of vision and love will wake you up.
We make no guarantees that it will be pretty.
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