by Lina Boldt
How come you get stuck time and again in what seems to be the same freaking rut? It’s your biggest block and yet something like your dearest friend, eh? Like a toxic lover you can’t let go of.
You’ve been there way too often you think. A typical circle of a year might have looked like this:
Feeling like a failure. Not wanting to show and admit your weaknesses and how hard you sucked. So self-isolation it was. Despair. Waking up sick each morning, depressed. In between some serious healing breakthroughs — which didn’t hold you back from getting miserable and digging deeper into your rut as soon as possible.
Why do you always go back there?
1. The rut is familiar, it is safe and predictable.
Although you might be miserable and in pain there, often barely willing to get up, to do “adult” or to do “human” at all, you know what to expect.
So the rut has become a nightmare of a comfort zone. And the nasty thing about comfort zones is this: if you don’t actively and deliberately stretch and push them, they contract.
You have to keep at it, you have to develop your own counter-comfort-dynamic. Otherwise this zone of stuckness, your tailor-made rut, will deepen and get tighter around you. Ever noticed this suffocating feeling in your dark phases? Yep – that’s what I’m talking about.
Your self-chosen immobility of staying small and safe is killing your soul, it dims down your spirit. This spirit of yours is a fighter, but even the most heroic warrior gets tired and breaks down.
And imagine – the battle your soul and spirit try to win is infinite as long as you refuse to get on their side.
2. The rut contains a ton of potential for you to grow.
Soul knows. In an attempt of smacking you awake, it sacrifices its brilliance, genius and power, it keeps you in your most dreaded and most painful pit of shit.
You’re crawling like crazy, grasping for air in this deep ocean of madness and frustration – not noticing that it’s but a puddle and all you have to do is stand up and own your shit.
The strain, shame and misery will melt like ice-cream on a hot summer day, once you stop being the victim – (just because it’s so comfortable to blame the world, people, the weather, the circumstances in which you grew up, etc…).
You decided to feel weak and lost – you can decide to go ahead and start creating a different reality and to step into your potential.
It’s nothing but a shift of mindset. But it’s a powerful one, without question.
3. The fear and pain of being stuck is nothing compared to the terror and exposure you would suffer once you turned up your light, your darkness and thus your naturally given inherent power.
There, I said it and it’s true: You are fucking powerful. But for some reason you’d rather cover your ears in denial.
Power is something for self-absorbed, abundant and exploitative people, right?
You feel better having the underdog-bonus. If you meet others from your pack, you know. The aura of the outsider is almost palpable.
It keeps you at the sidelines, dreaming of a fulfilled life, one abundant of connection, ressources and purpose. At the same time you envy those who are there already. They know how to use their elbows, they take care of themselves and go after their needs, desires and goals.
You are a more noble and gentle being. And dreaming of something is way better than actually having it anyway, right?
If you have money, love, success (because you tap into your power and purpose) – then what?
The magic of wanting and anticipation, of *what if* morphs into freaking out, feeling guilty for having what your parents never had or what your best friends judge as “disgusting”.
What comes after you achieved something? A big void, a deep abyss? A bright light that takes you home?
A crowd that wants your attention, support and ressources? Or – even worse – all “your people”, who should be happy for your evolution and the joy that comes with standing in your power, fulfilling your dreams and following your calling – yes, those people turn their back on you.
You’re no longer one of them. Also, you might get too busy to live, to enjoy the little things, like day-dreaming, imagining the things that others can afford, hoping for being struck by enlightenment and being discovered as a genius.
You can create whatever you want the moment you decide you don’t allow the chains to hold you down anymore.
Those chains are made of past conditioning, fear, the attempts to please others, the expectation and dependency game.
Because – if you’re honest, even your selfless acts of giving until you’re totally burned out are fueled by resentment and resistance.
Others must see how much you sacrifice your own happiness and wellbeing. They have to honor you, they have to be eternally grateful. They must offer you the same sacrifice in return by reading your mind (that’s the only way to find out what you need and want from them).
And if they are some rare bad-ass mindreaders, you’ll reject their offers – of course.
That’s called power games and co-dependency.
Come play with those who risk to live liberated and self-determined lives.
Life is an experiment. And always remember – you’re being judged anyway. Staying in your rut does not keep you safe.
It doesn’t get you anywhere. It doesn’t get you badges for graceful suffering. You deprive the world of your gifts, your magic and your genius as long as you refuse to use them for instead of against yourself and others.
So what’s up for you? Same old rut or risk to thrive?
About the Author:
Lina Boldt is a Mentor and Writer, she has a Ninja-warrior survival record, and can often be found in the thick of deep transformational work, which made her gain quite some expertise in breakdowns and breakthroughs. Her current mission is all about hacking the matrix, and she can’t live without chocolate. You can connect with her via her website Disobey With Grace or facebook.
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