by Michelle Bridget
I attempted to give my delicate, throbbing, bloody heart to three farm animals this year.
They kicked me out of the barn and one laughed at me as the door hit my ass.
On the outskirts, a fourth approached. At that point I was leery and weary and just watched.
The first one was an ox; super sexy, radical and outspoken, highly disturbed and insanely alcoholic – just my type (old type, old type, I swear).
This one I went into with eyes open, with all the information known.
He was in love with and in open pursuit of another. That was cool. I wasn’t looking for anything anyways!
Except my heart strings somehow started to get a bit enmeshed. I worked through it by doing lots of inner work and then he was imprisoned which helped a bunch.
The second was a chicken. He was the result of a love spell that led to the third. The third is really who I believed I wanted and the second was a bit of a tool. I’m just being honest!
Nonetheless, my delicate, fairy Piscean heart got hooked a little, like a fish on the line.
The third. Oh the third. The third was a barn cat. Sly, extremely wealthy, animal angry in his heart, and a very sick alcoholic. See a theme here? I’ve known this cat for lifetimes.
I trusted my vulnerable, red, blood-dripping pulse to him with the ease and grace of a child.
He touched it, toyed with it, laughed at it, and ignored me. That one hurt pretty bad.
The fourth was a good shakeup from the third and was more of a jaded observation.
What will this person do if I just watch him without any interference?
And this indeed unfolded a comedy skit which ended in the fact that he did not like me in a sexual way.
Thank you Jesus, Laxmi, and the ancestors, for protecting and loving me.
I call these all Fiascos.
And clearly, I fully involved myself on multiple levels in all these fiasco-affairs.
As much as I look inward at my driving impulses towards such destruction, I also appreciate that every ill turn into murky waters has tremendous treasures.
Now, for the 7 Gifts:
Was I never taught to have some standards with whom I choose to spend my time (potent energy)?
The great eye of discernment can see into the heart of a person at a glance. Indeed, I do that all the time. So what stopped me in these cases?
Awash in trippy hormones, it is sometimes hard to see. Sure, every one of these men has many gods in him but this is transfiguration gone bad.
During the detox period from all this, I had three relevant dreams with Russell Brand. And I say with because I’m telling you, me and this dude connected.
The golden piece of the dreams was the question: what is this person bringing to the table? And then: is that good enough for me? Yeah… just like that… Is that good enough for me?
Here is a grand practice if you find yourself also needing support in this arena.
Find a person you gravitate towards in a sexual / romantic / partnership way, preferably somebody famous and out of easy reach.
This person becomes your Avatar. An avatar is an incarnation or embodiment of deity and you get to decide what qualities they have. In many ways they represent your truest complement.
Do not settle for less. It is not about the actual person who is the avatar; it is the core essence qualities they represent.
Of course, avatar can be a bear, a lion, a famous person, a blue alien, whatever you choose.
Just make it somebody or something that is out of reach to avoid delusion that the person is the answer.
In my work, I sometimes use the archetype of Queen. As in, people pay me to call and treat me as the Queen.
This little role-play is very useful and very applicable to personal life. Being in charge, I get to decide who stays and who goes from the door.
Perhaps had I fully embodied this prior, I would have been more aware of who I was keeping around when the signs were vibrantly clear that these were not fruitful matches.
3) Priorities + Power Leaks.
After the fourth rejection, I seriously sharpened up my priorities and focus on them.
It led to an ongoing sadhana in which I increased my income by 36% in one month, built a new website from scratch in two days, and got my temple rolling.
I am now in the process of creating much more and the synchronicities are astounding.
Anything not leading to my priorities becomes a power leak – a place where my hyper-charged attention goes and grows. Fuck that.
4) Love Spells Work.
Little honey jar here, little naming spell there. I have radically high success with love spells but the definition of success here is “opening the doors of initiation”.
Sure I got “what” I wanted but I had made the decision of who based upon something other than solid, deep, aligned truth.
As such, once the doors opened the shadows quickly came out to play.
Well, the shadows orchestrated it actually. I have deepened my wisdom and tweaked my attitude on love spells, that’s fo sho.
5) Intuitive Nudges + Dreams.
A lovely reminder that deep, deep in me, in my Kali soul, all information is held and revealed.
At the fourth, I woke up one night feeling “this guy is trying to play a game with me”.
I heard it but chose to waste a bit more time with him. But not too long.
What was it that I wanted? Why did I keep going after or allowing in disinterested, unavailable men?
On some deep level I wanted someone, or the idea of someone, to make this whole life thing easier and safer. An easier, softer way.
That was key element of the fantasy ushering in the pattern to escape into relationships that were guaranteed to go nowhere.
True partnership. Connection without attachment. Freedom without isolation. Do these exist?
If I could attach to an idea of a man who was not actually available, I provided myself an escape and a distraction from the really important, and scary, stuff that will bring me to what I want most.
And it was pretty clear that I was being unfair in energetically asking for something they did not have.
So I got to escape and be a demanding asshole at the same time! Dammit, you will play this game of illusions with me.
The repeated rejections were a huge favor.
7) The Magical Technique of Observation / Non-Interference.
At the fourth, I did not hand my heart over at any point. I crowned myself Queen and watched.
Queens are dignified and they do much observing. The practice of witnessing a human in their natural habitat is revelatory.
What you do here is refrain – a lot. Refrain from influencing them in any way. Refrain from seduction. Refrain from pushing any issues or figuring out how they feel about you….until the time is right.
It can be tough- the conditioning to manipulate is deep. But to be a bit Machiavellian, when you manipulate:
a) you give yourself away, allowing them to deceive you and b) you do not get the chance to see who someone really is, what their intentions are, and what they do when left to their own devices.
Because let us consider this: Training someone from the door to behave a certain way around you will eventually grow exhausting.
Someday, the fact that they really desire some other type of person will come out.
By then threads are tied. Seeing what unravels in due time is a passive power shot.
Then you can decide if it is actually working because there is true compatibility or if it appears to be working because they are playing a game.
So that is that. It isn’t about finding the silver lining; it’s that the whole damn thing is silver.
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About the Author:
Michelle Bridget, M.Sc. is a Tantra Practitioner, DakiniPlantWitch, and Entrepreneur who has written and produced over 100 articles and videos on natural body care on her site Wildly Natural Skin Care, worked with over 300 clients to explore and deepen connection and sensuality in her successful Tantra bodywork practice, and is currently developing a Magical Temple in Pittsburgh, PA. She has been a guest and expert writer for My Tiny Secrets, Plant Healer Magazine, Wild Sister, and is co-authoring a book on Food Forests.
images without further attribution: Author’s own; featured image – Source
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