7 Ways You Are A Bad Witch In The Kitchen

    by Samantha Mant

    Are you a Kitchen Witch? Moreover, are you a bad Kitchen Witch?

    We all know plants and food contain magickal properties that heal, nourish, seduce, honour, ground and rebalance.

    Even if you’re not an avid cook, or entertainer, there are many ways to utilise plant magick in the kitchen and liberate your inner Bad Kitchen Witch.

    If any of the 7 points below remind you of yourself, you have the Bad Witch edge in the kitchen!

    BadKitch1Everyone’s dream kitchen, from Practical Magic. Image source.

    1. You know green smoothies and cold pressed juices are magickal potions:

    People wonder what the secret is behind your ‘glow’, why you have superhero energy levels, and how you channel instincts and intuition that are so ‘on point’.

    You don’t tell them its because you regularly throw random fruit and veg into your blender or juicer, screeching “flip the switch and let the cauldron bubble..” and then laugh maniacally, just like The Aunts in Practical Magic.

    Extra WITCH points if you use your cauldron to make midnight margaritas.

    2. You honour the healing magick of raw cacao:

    The energy vampires are out, maybe the moon is full, or you’re menstruating.

    There is that itch in your soul; you know it’s time to bust out the stash of organic raw cacao bars.

    You also know cacao’s healing magick is magnified tenfold if consumed in bed (or the bath), with a fur baby, candles lit, watching Vikings reruns.

    3. You have a special connection with your herb/veg garden:

    You spend a lot of time grooming and talking to your plants, they know all about your lif’se woes and triumphs. They really listen.

    Sometimes, they talk back (you know exactly what I mean).

    When its time to harvest your plants for nourishing meals and other magickal work, they are so imbibed with your essence, they swiftly manifest your intentions with supreme clarity.

    BadKitch2My own herb garden. Image source.

    4. Your cooking habits change with your menstrual cycle:

    You eat slightly more fruit for the week before your period, to increase ‘yin’ energy, which ensures an ‘easy’ bleed.

    You start increasing your consumption of green & orange veg, green lentils, adzuki beans, mushrooms, dates and figs for blood boosting iron and other nutrients.

    You carry this on during your period, also eating whole grains daily to balance your nervous system and blood sugars.

    You go nuts with adding herbs to your diet, like red raspberry, parsley, nettle, red clover, rosehips, hawthorn berries.

    You’re kind of addicted to massages, baths and inhalations with rose, jasmine, and clary sage oil to soothe your moods and ease pain.

    The blender cauldron is getting a daily work out.. usually at midnight.

    5. All of your ritual food is animal safe:

    You’ve scoured the internet for hours searching biscuit and cake recipes that don’t upset the wildlife.

    You couldn’t bear the thought of your magickally charged offerings causing harm. The animals know this and they clean your windows every month, because to them you’re basically Snow White.

    If they don’t do this, you’re satisfied in your efforts of protecting nature, and know the neighbourhood birds will peck the eyes out of anyone that tries to mess with you.

    6. You create meals of seduction:

    Your ‘special spice mix’ should display a warning.

    Your lovers are always asking when will you be cooking for them again.

    Your friends beg you for recipes/ culinary secrets/ cooking lessons. Your sumptuously sweet and sticky desserts have a fan group. You are wicked.

    BadKitch3Image source

    7. Then there is Tea:

    You have a whole cupboard dedicated to your tea collection.

    Only you can decipher the organisational code. Its updated regularly, but so help any shop that runs out of your favourite brand.

    Your handbags are strewn with sachets of tea bags for Tea Emergencies, which happen daily. Maybe hourly. It depends on the moon phase.



    If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.


    About the Author:

    Version 2Samantha Mant (Sami Lou) is a ‘retired’ Naturopath from North Queensland, Australia. She presently runs a blog called The Holistic Branch, where she can share and connect with people interested in holistic medicine and lifestyle. She believes people have a greater ability to self heal than they realise, and desires to help empower them to do so. You can sign up for her newsletter and also contact her on THB Facebook page, where she tries not to post too many pictures of her cat. She is most definitely a Bad Kitchen Witch.




    featured Image – Source



    • Dr. Carolyn Elliott is the founder of WITCH magazine & is known for her uncanny and uncomfortable ability to trick really smart, high-achieving magical people into doing the things that they actually want to do. She’s the teacher of life-altering online courses, including INFLUENCE, FORCE OF NATURE, MONEY, and EARTH. Carolyn is the author of the cult-favorite creativity book, Awaken Your GeniusAwaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Guide to Uncovering Your Creativity and Manifesting Your Dreams... ... and the upcoming Existential Kink: A handbook of life-altering magic. She runs a multi-6-figure online business specializing in helping people achieve dramatic positive change in their lives through shadow integration practices and applied occult philosophy.

    • Show Comments (4)

    • Lenora

      What a delightful run-down of those bad magical habits we share! Thanks for the great read Ms. Mant!

      • Sami Lou

        Thank you, Lenora! I’m so glad you enjoyed it <3

    • Marie-Jeanne

      I’m in with n. 2 – 3 – 5 – 6 and 7(I had to add a cupboard in my kitchen to fit all of my teas and herbs). Nice reading you!

      • Sami Lou

        Thank you, I’m so glad you enjoyed :) Teas and herbs make my heart sing; your cupboard sounds enticing haha ;)

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