How to be Unfxckwithable

    by Renee Damoiselle

    One of the most wonderful by-products of learning about witchcraft and actually becoming a witch is that I’ve also become UnFuckwithable.

    I absolutely love this portmanteau that has appeared on the interwebs in recent years.

    It embodies so much of what I desired when I began my spiritual questing. I felt a bit weak in the world.  I felt my emotions could be manipulated by others.

    As an empath, I found myself affected by the troubles, moods, words and actions of others in a way that interfered with my own well-being.

    At some point, I realized this was not acceptable. I had to find a way to shield myself, but to also keep my empath ability to help those who were deserving.

    When I discovered and began studying witchcraft, I was caught up in that wonderful rabbit hole of learning and discovering new ideas.

    I was having fun! On some level I knew I was also empowering myself, but this particular by-product was something I didn’t know I could achieve. It’s wonderful!

    Not every witch gets to this point, but I’d like to share a bit of how I got here so that those who want to, can!

    I’ve got Good News and Bad News.

    First the Bad News: If you’re not unfuckwithable already, you won’t be by the end of this article.

    More bad news: I have no pill or singular magick spell that will make it happen for you.

    Even more bad news: It takes work, commitment, practice, time and more work.

    And, finally – Good News: YOU CAN GET THERE!

    Because you are infinitely more powerful that you imagine yourself to be.

    Where to begin…. Let’s talk about where I began.

    My beginning was a need to please others.

    I always felt like an outsider, always felt like I couldn’t measure up to the expectations of those around me, family, friends, work colleagues, love interests.

    When I was praised, I believed it was either false, in an effort to extort something from me, or the person was simply being kind, without the back up of reality.

    When I was criticized, though, it was all my fault, my failure.

    I had a sense of wanting to be liked, supported, cared for… but had no idea how to have that (other than people pleasing), nor did I believe I deserved it.

    All of this stemmed from a childhood that was less than ideal.

    I was sexually molested as a young child, beaten and raped as a teenager and those things left scars.


    (PLEASE NOTE: NO ONE is to blame for the defense mechanisms and coping skills they learned in order to protect themselves from any kind of trauma.)

    But what I know today is that I’m responsible for my own healing and my own progress and, indeed, the quality of my own life.

    Your beginning may be different.

    Maybe you’re not going the route of trying to please others, but just stuck in a place where you feel burdened by the world.

    Perhaps you come from a place where the universe is just not that friendly.

    Maybe your life sucks due to circumstances of your birth, your afflictions, your trauma and tragedies.

    If this is the case, it is also because;


    So, what are you?  What Am I?


    Infinite – Thou Art That! – “That” being GOD, the universe, everything!  You and it are one and the same.  Whole, Perfect, INFINITE.

    It is when you understand this truth that you become Unfuckwithable.

    So, What do I mean by unfuckwithable?

    Generally – I’m talking about NOT having your moods, emotions, outcomes and happiness be subject to the words, actions, deeds of anyone else and certainly not your perception of what they’re thinking.

    But we are also human, right?  We criticize ourselves.

    We do things that go against this truth sometimes. We treat ourselves and sometimes others with less than love.

    We doubt, we worry, we procrastinate, we eat the wrong foods, say the wrong things, trip over our own feet, get angry, feel slighted, become offended.

    We suffer.  What we don’t realize is that that is a choice.

    In real time, in every day in every situation – suffering is a choice.

    Ooh, them’s some strong words, Renee!  Suffering is a choice?

    Are you saying that I can choose whether or not to suffer when someone I love dies?

    That I can choose whether or not to suffer pain when I break a bone or when someone betrays me?

    That I can choose whether to suffer if I’m poor and living in a war-torn country (or a crime filled neighborhood of any country) where my life is threatened on the regular? That’s a choice??


    And I’m here to tell you that sometimes suffering is the correct choice to make!

    It’s warranted, it’s needed.

    According to Buddhists life is suffering, right? Truth.

    My understanding is that the universe wants to experience everything.

    Good, evil, right, wrong, joy, sorrow, elation, despair… pain, vibrancy, humiliation, pride, ALL OF IT.

    The idea is not to eliminate suffering, but to choose consciously when it is appropriate/necessary to suffer and when it’s not.

    But the human Ego, when you say something that radical, you have the power to choose.. it feels threatened…  (because that’s what we’re at here – we are threatening the Ego).

    So, the threatened Ego makes our mind go to those extremes in order to defend itself.

    “Surely, you are not telling me that I shouldn’t suffer if I was molested as a child or if I was raped??!!!!”

    Most people will back down from the statement of choice when faced with such things, things that so obviously warrant pain.

    Notice the mind didn’t start with, “Oh, wow! So, I don’t have to feel offended at what so and so says? And there are techniques that can help me get there?”

    No, the Ego makes your mind go to extremes because it wants to keep its suffering!

    Your Ego has identified with those things over which you suffer and instead of looking at it in those tiny incremental things that you can change, it gives the example of the worst magnitude.

    This technique of the Ego is akin to Right to Lifer’s who, in response to a pro-choice stance of reasonable education, access to women’s healthcare and birth control, and access to abortion when appropriate – respond with things like.  “BUT THIS BABY THAT WAS BORN ALIVE WAS SIMPLY THROWN AWAY!”

    It’s the worst possible scenario, right?

    Who could argue to say that this collateral damage is an acceptable by-product of legal abortion?

    But it’s a distortion.

    Any child born alive is now a human being and any person who takes the life of another human being is already subject to prosecution under the laws against murder.

    But that is the extreme to which your own ego will go to protect your precious pain and suffering.

    Do you want to let it call the shots?  No, you don’t.

    Great, Renee – great…

    HOW exactly do I go about changing my understanding of suffering so that I can reduce it?

    GREAT question.

    First… I refer back to the bad news we started with, right?

    1. not today,
    2. no pill, no singular spell and
    3. hard work, time, practice

    A Little more good news.  It’s not easy, it’s just worth it.

    YOU are worth it.


    1. Meditation

    Begin a practice in whatever way you can! If you can find 5 to 10 minutes a day for this, it will help.

    2. Gratitude

    Keeping a gratitude list is a great way to understand that, regardless of the actions of others, you still have things to be happy about.

    Creating the awareness can help you be less bothered by others, but also creates the energetic atmosphere in which the universe wants to shower you with more things to be grateful for.

    3. Assuming good intentions

    When someone says something that you find offensive, take a moment to understand that it’s not personal. (Please check out Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements”)

    Assume that they did not mean to hurt you. Everyone’s perceptions are different and the things they say are filtered through those perceptions.

    It’s about them, not you, and you don’t have to take it to heart. Further, even if they did intend to say something hurtful, you don’t have to give them the power to hurt you.

    Decide that their opinion, idea, stance reflects more on them than it does you, because that is true.

    4. Work on your aversions and attachments/addictions (Hint…Shadow work)

    Find ways to do Shadow Work.

    This will bring to light some of the triggers within you that you can then gain control over.

    5. More Meditation

    Keep trying, even if you feel that you’re failing at it.

    The good stuff takes time and practice!

    6. Practice in the real world

    Observe how you react to others and to situations, question yourself about why you felt a certain way over this or that.

    You need to constantly embody that “other” who questions what you ego mind is experiencing.

    7. Shadow Work

    Yes, I know, it’s getting repetitive… but this is not a one-time endeavor. It’s life-long.

    Once you bring one deep dark aspect of yourself to light, there is another one waiting right behind it.

    8. Mindfulness ….

    Which is cultivated by Meditation.

    9. Being the Observer of your life

    Because you realized through Meditation that the real YOU is different from the person you identify as.

    10. Empathy

    Putting yourself in the others’ shoes to help you understand that the things they do/say are not personal to you.

    11. More Meditation.

    12. More Shadow Work.

    13. Vigilance in observing your own mind, thoughts, reactions, etc.

    Good luck, my friends!  And let me know how you’re progressing!

    Leave me comments and questions below!  <3



    If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.


    About the Author:

    WarpWeftBioRenée Damoiselle is a Worldly Wise Crone Witch with personal ties to warrior deities. Her “raised eyebrow” style of Truth-Telling enables her clients to face the realities of their challenges and triumphs with confidence and humor (each when necessary). Renée is the Author of the forthcoming book from Red Wheel Weiser publishers entitled, Storytelling Alchemy – Write Your Own Happy Ending.  She offers divination and coaching combining Cartomancy, Reiki, Skrying, Mediumship and a healthy dose of good old common sense. She also offers many workshops and talks, and facilitates the GODDESS DIVINE retreat. Friend her on Facebook.
    Check out this site for all the details on Renee’s Retreats!
    For more about Renée, read her blog.


    all images via Pixabay





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