by Ali Montgomery


    What does getting to YES mean?

    Getting to yes is about the internal process of finding agreement and congruence within our body, mind and spirit. The need for agreement and congruence within our body, mind and spirit is a fundamental principle which most of us are not taught.

    Getting to yes takes skill and understanding of how we, in our body, mind and spirit operate in the world and how the world operates on us. Getting to yes is the process of creating the ability to move forward toward what we desire in any challenging life decision with agreement in body, mind and spirit.

    Getting to yes is an important piece of internal work.

    We can get our mouth to say the word yes whether we mean it or not. We can get our mind to find a way to agree to yes even against our better judgment.  In the right situation we get our bodies to say yes to situations and ideas we think we may want, or in other circumstances would not agree to.

    We are often taught as children to be compliant regardless of our own feelings and this practice of compliance is reinforced in our work and school lives to comply with requests we would not otherwise choose.

    So, of course we are confused as to what yes really feels like! But what does it mean to get our whole being to say yes and mean yes, where there is joy, desire, congruence and enthusiasm behind all of your yes?

    What does a true YES feel like in our body, mind and spirit?

    When you speak of the aspects of body, mind and spirit, these three aspects are all part of your being and are not separate. However in western culture we tend to see our body, mind and spirit as three different aspects of ourselves.

    Because we see our body, mind and spirit as three separate aspects, I will be addressing body, mind and spirit separately for clarity.

    I will begin with the concept of spirit which I am referring to this matter as instinct. The concept of instinct is an internal knowing.

    This inner knowing is grounding for some individuals and not for others.

    By grounding I am referring to a sense of peace in being comfortable with the concept of knowing without the need for analytical application to the process. This instinct or knowing is in part what I referred to as spirit; they can be one in the same.


    1. SPIRIT/Instinct~

    Whether our concept of spirit is an internal or external force, it is our guidance “Geiger counter” which we tune into or dismiss depending on our history.

    Often times when we want something really badly and it doesn’t turn out the way we want, we may cease to trust our instinct or inner knowing. We are pissed off that what we wanted didn’t happen and therefore our spirit, instinct or inner knowing is deemed wrong, no longer a source of core wisdom for us.

    We reject our spirit, instinct or inner knowing because we did not receive the desired result or effect we were desiring and therefore reject the knowing.

    Our instinct is not present to give us “what we think we want” but rather to provide us with the information we need.

    On the contrary, as we become less and less attached to the outcome of any given situation our instinct becomes more and more clear to us. The answer now shows us our instinct actually provided the perfect answer.

    Our instinct is correct even though that no or yes was or wasn’t the knowing we wanted to hear at the time. Instinct shows us our attachment to the outcome, which thwarts our understanding and outweighed the instinct.

    Instinct allows us to tap into the ability to hear the essence of our spirit knowing. In order to get to yes we must learn to trust our instinct and spirit with ease. Next we will discuss the mind and how it addresses challenges.


    2. MIND~

    We are over wrought and saturated with information in this day and age where we simply have to “Google” the answer for most questions.

    Our mind really isn’t about your family history, their belief system, the legal system, what our friends think or their opinions. Although all of these life aspects are influential to our distinct make up they don’t make up our mind.

    Each time we are provided choices there is a decision to make.

    When making a choice, our background and history will impact and influence the decisions at any given moment. What we choose to do today is not etched in stone and we can and will change our mind, each time considering the current influences of our life at the moment.

    What is important is knowing our own mind during each of these phases of life, trusting our mind and beliefs and knowing our yes is grounded well and will not be just a whim.

    Knowing our own mind is essential when it comes down to the decision – for example – of whether or not to participate in an Ayahusca ceremony or indulge in alcohol at a party; knowing that a simple decision can also be life changing.

    Being seated in a place of strength and contentment related to feeling sound of mind and knowing that each of us is comfortable and can live with the outcome even if it is realized later it was a lesson and not a desired.

    All of these aspects could be part of the consideration of how to make choices as an individual.

    Each of us are unique in our own frame and we each make decisions and change as we desire, distinctive to each set of circumstances, without apology. Understanding and accepting one’s own way of being and acceptance of individual and unique thoughts different from others is knowing your own mind.

    When we know our own mind and accept it, we can get to yes – without pause or regret. Now let’s talk about a body yes.


    3. Body~

    What a magnificent piece of art! So many variables and unique qualities which cause individuation within our species as a human race.

    What do our bodies tell us? Do we listen? What does it say when we slow down or speed up?

    Do we hear it at all with the wind sheer force numbing our skin from the jet set pace. Juggling our jobs, relationships, school, parties and desires.

    Do we get enough sleep? Are we numb from the work, family, parties or are we tuned in, slowed down, connected to ourselves, nature and own natural rhythm?

    Many natural human cycles were lost with the invention of artificial light and the creation of round the clock work hours.

    Do we know what our body wants at any given moment? When we are hungry do we know what our body desires and needs or are we just filling the void?

    No judgment required, just insight into what feels good and what is a true desire or need and the ability to distinguish the differences, hear the calls to address and satiate the hunger or quench the thirst whether it is food, sex, exercise or to sit and read a book.

    Our body provides us with an onslaught of information at any given time.

    The question of why are we eating is a good place to start; are we eating because of the body sensations telling us it is hungry?

    Is it out of boredom or anxiety?

    What do we choose to eat? Something quick to fill the void? Something flavorful? Or the sustenance required to address the minerals and nutrients which our body is craving?

    Eating is a pretty basic thing we do and having the lines of communication with our body open is essential.

    What do our bodies do when it is an emotional matter?

    Are we able to discern a distinct yes or no regarding emotional matters? Being open and willing to receive the information the body wants to send is foundational to getting to a congruent yesterday in body, mind and spirit.


    We often struggle with finding the sweet spot within ourselves in order to move forward towards or backing away from what is correct for us.

    Learning to tune into body, mind and spirit is the foundation of getting to our own YES.

    We are offered a multitude of opportunities at any given point and it is not about even deciding what would be the wisest choice, but rather what is being communicated to us from our being and “what is the yes that is right for me” and thus will continue to feel good even if we would never make the same choice again.

    Will that Big Mac satiate, satisfy or fill a void and how will we feel later about eating it?

    As a beautifully distinct individual I once knew told me years ago it is better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t done, but in order to do so we need to know we have a firm YES within our body, mind and spirit, otherwise we can end up with regrets of a more significant nature.

    So get to know yourself in what you want, which may be different from what you need.

    Know what feels good to each part of you and where there is agreement or disagreement within.

    Find your passions and know what it takes to live there with self-integrity. Today is different from yesterday and tomorrow is a dream, so knowing yourself in each moment is the key to living the YES you desire in your life!


    AliBioAli Montgomery MA is an Erotic Vitality Coach for Awakening Souls! She works with individuals wanting to increase their vital life capacity. Ali is deeply steeped in earth based traditions and magic. She uses sexual education, spirituality and coaching to alchemically transmute old stories into increased vibrancy, artistic expression and sexual liberation within.  Ali is an artist, photographer and licensed LCSW but does not coach under that umbrella. You can connect with Ali on her website or via Facebook and Twitter.



    featured image – source / others: Author’s own



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