by Veruschka Normandeau
In my appreciation I offer no resistance” (Abraham Hicks)
Change is never pleasant, when in fact, it is the only thing certain and constant.
Our mind always remains hopeful to a form of happily ever after, whether that is in a home environment, work or work out routine or a relationship that we are hanging onto for dear life because we know what the potential could be.
And yet the seasons come and go and we have to adapt and bend with the winds of change.
Still, the mind can never understand, yet the body knows the discomfort with our resistance and fatigue with a situation.
Then comes the choice: sh*t or get off the pot.
When our bodies can not handle going to the same job for one more day, when our inner dialogue is so worn out by not being heard yet again by a certain someone, when things are falling apart and you simply can not hold the pieces together anymore – there comes a point where you must choose your own self respect.
As scary as the unknown seems, the unknown sounds way better than what you are experiencing.
Opening to change
How do we turn our back to the old picture and confidently face the wild unknown? We start with acknowledgment.
Find the highlights, find the grace, discover the beauty of what you were given. “But it wasn’t fair! I was so misunderstood! I trusted them and they failed me!”
And that too.
Yet we can not move forward when we are still a victim. Rewind.
Look at the steps you have taken that have brought you here. It wasn’t pretty, it was challenging and you survived it.
Allow yourself to acknowledge what other opportunities, which other qualities emerged for and from you as a result of your life situation?
Are you still a good person, a contributing member of society? You can do this.
Even if part of us feels we have failed our own expectations of outcomes, view and accept what did unfold and the silver linings with it – what is part of you now that you did not possess before?
I find myself looking out at the sparkles on the water before me, in the comfort of a gloriously modern loft with white walls and high ceilings, watching herons lift their wings, seagulls glide over the water and land in it with ease and swans float by curiously.
My Victim Story
I have been plucked out of the jungles of Hawaii, next to new earth pumping out of the mountain and have landed in the chilly air of Amsterdam, right on a canal. It is dead silent.
There are options to go to dances, to engage, to mingle with art at museums. And yet here I stand, transfixed by this time travel into an old earth, with dark buildings across the way and heavy clouds above.
I feel lost. I have nothing going for me. Nobody knows I am here. My calendar is empty.
I might be running on empty soon. The language is much more challenging to pronounce than I had anticipated. I feel weak – nobody to call, nobody to cry to, nobody to complain to.
Miraculously, I made it here. But what now? It is freezing outsinde. I do not want to move.
I am afraid to say “I am this, I can do this, let me help you with such and such, feel good about engaging me and investing your time with me?”.
I am nobody. I just left the world I knew to come stand at this edge and face the unknown. And I am ashamed that my calendar is empty and that I created this. I am standing here feeling so isolated and irrelevant, unworthy and yet most of all – unappreciated.
If our relationships are not being invested in, how do we know that we are valued and appreciated? If time is not being shared or invested in us, how do we say our name out loud into the world with confidence when it seems it evaporates as we attempt to make our mark and feel we are part of the game?
Catharsis: appreciation & approval work wonders
This deep lack of appreciation is where I went. I turned up the music and danced and wept it out. I called on all of my ancestors, felt my mother’s and grandmother’s non-appreciation and irrelevance and sent them so much appreciation.
I felt so weak, such depth of failure and abandonment, I called on Mother Mary, Marilyn Monroe, Mother Theresa and every woman and archetype who has tried to make a difference – they all stood at the edge with me behind my back in this cosmic cave of despair.
As grief poured like rain out of my eyes, as the spring sprung and my will cracked, the clouds parted across the way and the sun shone through like a spotlight, filling my face and my heart space with light and warmth.
In that moment, I was no longer alone, in a deep dark well of becoming I had made an experience that many others have gone through before me. I opened my eyes and looked around: I was seeing through eyes of objectivity and reward:
I saw the white walls, not the endless weeds that need to be pulled in the jungle, I saw the tall ceilings that availed me silence and introspection and safety, not the call of the wild pulling me in a hundred different directions at once.
I made it here, I called this in, I am remarkable to have the guts to say YES to a new adventure, with no safety promised.
Great appreciation grew in my chest, my eyes welled like a legion of angels witnessing great courage with pride and glory – witnessing – yes, magic exists, if we can believe it, we can perceive it – and here I stood in my manifestation and took it all in with great strength.
This was no small thing, in fact, appearing like a miracle in this moment. I felt such expansiveness at the shamanic journey that had occurred inside of me, sending all of these revelations and discovery of personal power into the channel to be sent out to all who came in contact with this water and through the ethers.
Surely, I could capture this moment in a selfie – which could not touch the worlds and galaxies that I felt had celestially expanded inside of myself – certainly what reflected back paled in comparison, yet I suspended judgement as I continued on my appreciation journey.
With every cell, I felt:
I see you, what you have created, I know what it took, what pain and discomfort, what visioning, what conviction to get here. Here you are. You did it. Bravo.
The answers lie inside of ourselves… yet we can’t know unless we go to the edge of our biggest fears, face the unknown, since the known has not fulfilled our expectations, and open to discerning whether fear is really fear or an invitation to have a cellular revolution with self appreciation.
Allowing yourself to look at your choices objectively, just as you may be able to see that the strength of all of your ancestors’ brave choices for new worlds, is really the last frontier of approval you really need – the literal inside joke of this divine comedy called life.
So next time you feel the fear of a new dawn, turn around and appreciate what you have painted on your canvas thus far and welcome the next miracle already approaching.
Only you can create the safety you require to move forward by leaning back and being able to receive your own delight. This is how we collectively will change our world, one appreciation at a time. #IseeyouIknow
Poem by Starhawk:
Hear the words of the Star Goddess,
the dust of whose feet are the hosts of heaven,
whose body encircles the universe:
“I who am the beauty of the green earth
and the white moon among stars
and the mysteries of the waters,
I call upon your soul to arise
and come unto me.
For I am the soul of nature
that gives life to the universe.
From Me all things proceed
and unto Me they must return.
Let My worship be in the heart that rejoices,
all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.
Let there be beauty and strength,
power and compassion,
honor and humility,
mirth and reverence within you.
And you who seek to know Me,
know that your seeking and yearning
will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery:
for if that which you seek,
you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.
I have been with you
from the beginning,
and I am that which is attained
at the end of desire.”
If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.
About the Author:
Veruschka Normandeau is a healing arts coach, photographer and inspiritress of Gypsyrosechariot, a hub for the inquisitive soul to be empowered via psycho-spiritual programs, offering energy medicine tools to assist with heart courage to uncover your unique embodiment of your true nature. She is a self-love activist and intuitive magic dealer and has been guiding people and upgrading lives since 2007. Serving your inner beauty and embracing the paradox of life. Check her out at GypsyRoseChariot.com and MagicWoodStudios.us
images: author’s own