by Cindie Chavez
So, you want to find a lover, a partner, a soulmate…but regardless of how you work it, your magic just doesn’t seem to be working.
Your tarot cards aren’t speaking to you, your prayers don’t seem to be heard, and all that candle magic you’ve been doing is just amounting to a lot of melted wax all over the place.
It’s been forever since you’ve had any kind of synchronous event in the love department and you’re feeling frustrated, whiny, angry, and seriously ready for a big shift.
Your sovereignty, your self-love level, and your story are three areas to take a look at pronto.
Regardless of what Deity you’re calling on, or what Oracles you’re consulting, you must remain sovereign. When you give sovereignty of your love life (or any part of your life) to someone else you are giving away your power.
When you give away your power you are living at cause instead of at effect, you aren’t the one calling the shots anymore, and this puts you squarely in victim territory.
Victims generally have trouble creating great relationships, because of course they’re too busy creating abusive ones (so they can be the victim!).
Even worse, when we’re spending a lot of time in Victimland we also often attract other victims and then we spend a lot of time vying for victim status, which looks and sounds like finger pointing – “It’s all your fault” – “No it isn’t, you did x and y, so it’s totally your fault”.
Neither person wants to be the bully, so both parties end up competing for the prize of ultimate victim. Ugh.
And certainly if you are creating this type of experience it’s because some deep part of you really loves living in Victimland.
That’s okay, your inner child might love having a temper tantrum or pouting and sulking, but you’re a grown up and it’s time to remember you’re the one in charge.
Give your inner victim some love and understanding, give her some recognition for what she’s created, let her enjoy all of those icky feelings for a little while and then enlist her help in taking your power back.
She’s helped you create some painful and dramatic shit, now let her help create some joy and happiness.
If your magic isn’t working to bring you the love you desire there is almost always a self-love deficit going on. You see, the Universe is really just one big mirror showing you what’s happening with your deepest self.
If you’re not giving yourself much love then chances are you’re not going to attract much of it from outside yourself either.
As within, so without. The Universe can only give you what you are willing to give yourself.
And remember, self-care and self-love are not the same, related – yes, but not the same.
If you asked me to come take care of your cat while you went on vacation, I could certainly care for your cat, and I could do a great job of it without loving your cat.
I’ve known some people to have great self-care habits – meaning they never miss a manicure and they always take their vitamins (Hello, Saturn!), but they have the same self-denigrating story going on in their head – all. day. long.
It isn’t loving when we nag, criticize and bully other people – and it isn’t loving when we do it to ourselves either.
3. Your Story
Your story creates your reality; it’s a very powerful spell.
So even if you’re spending hours a day doing spell-work, meditation, prayer, oracle reading, and whatever other magic you practice you can still be spending the rest of your day telling a different story.
And your story is powerful, even if it’s only being told in your own head.
You know that story about how abused you’ve been, how this guy or that guy treated you like crap, how that last date really sucked, and how there just doesn’t seem to be any good men out there?
Those stories are powerful spells that are creating a big victimy circle of circumstance for you, a circumstance where you aren’t singing that juicy fully awakened love song that your heart so wants to belt out.
Time to let go of that old story and start writing a new one – a new one with a magical beginning, a delicious middle, and a happy ending.
Step into your sovereignty, Love yourself up good, and change that story.
I promise your magic will become magical again. First things first, the magic is within you.
About the Author:
Cindie Chavez is a magician and relationship expert, and the creator of MOONLIGHT – A Course in Manifesting Love. You can find her on www.cindiechavez.com
featured image – source
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