by Renée Damoiselle

    So you want to change? You want something different?

    If your desire to change goes down to your core, if it has you wanting to smash all your good china, kick your boss in the shins while screaming, “I QUIT!” or get in your car and just drive, never to return, then you just might be ready for a transformation.

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    It’s no little thing.

    Think about the examples; Butterflies, Dragonflies – going from something that crawls to something that flies and enduring almost complete annihilation of the former being.

    Tadpoles; changing the very element that sustains and holds you.

    It’s dangerous. It’s radical.

    It takes a very particular frame of mind and set of guts. It takes everything you’ve got.

    So here are 7 ingredients needed to help you transform. The order is not always the same and the magnitude of each may vary, but all of these things (and probably more) are always required.

    So here goes. Hang on to that plate for a minute, resist the urge to kick the boss and put the car in park. Maybe, just maybe, you can do this without totally destroying your life.

    1. Willingness

    The desire or willingness to transform usually comes from some form of dissatisfaction with “What Is”.

    Sometimes it can be triggered by an event. Or it can happen sort of spontaneously. See my previous article, “Spontaneous Initiation” for more on that.

    Or… if you can grasp an understanding of the process, you can choose to go through a transformation to change some aspect of your life that is not currently working well.

    Please NOTE! You can choose to go through it, but you cannot choose all of the steps along the way.

    Real transformation involves confronting the unknown as you will see below. So a willingness to suffer, to delve, to work hard is necessary.

    Whether this happens because you are just so sick of “What Is”, or whether it begins by choice, the work and pain cannot be avoided.

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    2. Courage

    Another thing about real transformation is that you can’t know the outcome, not entirely.

    If you truly knew and understood the being that is on the other side of that miraculous change, then you would already BE that.

    But going in, the transformed self that will emerge is a mystery. The person you are before doesn’t take the same nourishment, may not even breathe the same air as that new being.

    It’s like treading into an alien atmosphere without a space suit.  Bravery is needed!

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    3. Descent/Darkness

    Transformation requires darkness. It requires turning inward to the self and facing difficult truths.

    The butterfly folds itself into the chrysalis. The dragonfly dwells down in the mud under the water for most of its early life.

    This dwelling with the shadow self and taking a good hard look at “What Is” and “Why It Is” is a necessary component for change.

    And the darkness itself is part of why we see transformation as miraculous. Rising out of that darkness into such light is astounding to all who witness it. (Hint: That’s why it’s worth it!)

    4. New Information

    Transformation always requires the assimilation of a new truth.

    This will almost undoubtedly conflict with some other deeply held belief you’ve had. The old, deeply held belief may not even be conscious at the beginning. (See above regarding descent and shadow work to uncover it.)

    Then, once the two conflicting bits of information are discovered you who wish to transform, you who are deep in the mud, or encased in the chrysalis with your shadow must dwell there with both conflicting beliefs for a time.

    This causes dissonance. Dissonance is very uncomfortable.

    But this is such a crucial stage. This is where the old you begins to dissolve and re-form into the new!

    This stage reminds me of the old Native American fable of the Two Wolves.

    The grandfather is telling stories to the children, describing two wolves who struggle always inside of you. One holds the truth and the light and one holds only falsehood and darkness and they fight viciously. The children enquire – “Grandfather! Which wolf wins the fight?” Grandfather answers, “The one you feed.”

    This is something you may want to keep in mind while struggling through the process of transformation.

    Consciously look for proof of the new information and consciously decide to debunk the old at every turn. This is how you’ll win out.

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    5. Acceptance/Death

    Can you embrace the belief that flight is possible for you? Even if it means the destruction of the crawling you? Transformation demands it!

    At some point in this process the impending annihilation of the old you will rear up and strike a deep fear in your heart.

    You have to let go of the old you before you know what the new you will actually be like.

    You have to be willing to die to one life and emerge in a new one. The more calm acceptance you can cultivate in your time in the darkness, the easier this transition will be.

    Meditation and spiritual practice can help in this regard. Take your time to nurture you while you’re down in the dark.  It’s the only way.

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    6. Strength/Resurrection

    A time will come when you have a sense that it is time to break out.

    But depending on the depth of your transformation and the length of time spent in the mud, there is a danger that you’ll get trapped in the dark.

    Breaking out of the old skin/shell/chrysalis takes a tremendous amount of power.

    Collect yourself and remember that all that time in the dark has been building you up for this moment.

    Be like this guy and just bust the hell out!

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    7. Blinking Emergence into the light and Lift-off!

    You will blink and squint at the brightness after emerging. It’s only natural.

    Time is needed to assess what you’ve become and to understand how this new life works.

    Sustaining this new being, which went from the stillness and dark of breathing water and mud to the spectacular freedom of breathing the clear air and flying in the sunlight, is an important task.

    It requires reflection, maintenance and vigilance to not fall back into old familiar depths.

    Take flight, you wonderful new and amazing being!  Rejoice in your success and keep it going!  Fly where you will – to find the next big challenge!



    If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.


    About the Author:

    WarpWeftBioRenée Damoiselle is a Worldly Wise Crone Witch with personal ties to warrior deities. Her “raised eyebrow” style of Truth-Telling enables her clients to face the realities of their challenges and triumphs with confidence and humor (each when necessary). Renée offers divination and coaching combining Cartomancy, Reiki, Skrying, Mediumship and a healthy dose of good old common sense. She also offers many workshops and talks and facilitates women’s spiritual retreats. Friend her on Facebook.
    Check out this site for all the details on Renee’s Retreats!
    For more about Renée, read her blog.



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    • Show Comments (1)

    • Dominikanische Republik

      Very good info. Lucky me I discovered your website by chance (stumbleupon).
      I’ve bookmarked it for later!

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