by Demi Fox

    Choosing a patron deity can be a big deal: it’s like choosing your witchy mentor, you go-to god/goddess, shaping your spiritual life for years to come. Your patron can be a powerful source of spiritual insight and development.

    I’ve been asked a LOT about this over the years, and I remember my own frenzied worries about finding a Patron Deity back in my baby witchcraft days.

    So if it’s a path you are drawn to, here is pretty much everything I know on finding and connecting with your Patron Deity.

    What is a Patron Deity?

    A Patron Deity is your Main Deity. You go-to Goddess. Your Main Man. The one who guides you. The one who will weave your path with you. The one who is always a big player in your spiritual practice.

    They are your Cosmic Teacher.

    They are a powerful link with the energy of the Divine.

    I find that my Patron Deity nudges and shifts my life around so that I can learn Her lessons and learn Her skills. They have a certain say when it comes to your spiritual progress and what you learn along the way.

    As you work with a Patron, the energy of their archetype rubs off on you: a devotee of Venus will find probably herself encountering themes of sensuality and the arts in her life, a devotee of Brigid will probably end up as a healer of some kind.

    To an extent, you take on the energy of that Deity, and while you work with them you will be challenged to learn their skills.

    Most people end up with a kind of deity or archetype they like to work with, usually correlating with their current life’s passion or calling. It’s just kind of natural.

    If you are a homebody and a devout home-maker, it makes sense that someone like Hestia would be the sort of Goddess you’d get on with – and it makes sense that a fighty run-for-glory deity like Mars might not be your spiritual bestie.

    Once you have a patron deity, it doesn’t mean you are in a monogamous relationship for life. Other deities will still come in and out of your life, depending on what they have got to teach you.

    Sometimes you will have more than one Patron Deity, and that’s totally fine!

    Do I need a Patron Deity?

    Nope, you don’t need one.

    I find that Patron Deities appeal most to people who interact with the Gods on a personal basis: by that I mean they are fascinated by the many different personalities and expressions of the Divine through mythological gods, and connect strongly with the Divine through Their individual facets and stories.

    It’s just a way of looking at divinity that works for some people.

    Can I work with a Deity without them being my Patron Deity?

    Of course! I work with Venus all the time, but I wouldn’t say She was my Patron Goddess. You don’t have to make that commitment to work with a Deity, you can still have an awesome working relationship outside of Patron Goddess-ness.

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    How do I find my Patron Deity?

    Finding your Patron is great fun, because it’s like dating. You get to know a whole bunch of different Gods, so then over time not only do you know what you like and need, but you can be looking for that special feeling of connection. That powerful resonance.

    So we start with research. Which pantheons are you into? Who calls to you? Who are you fascinated by?

    It’s time to have fun and start learning and researching about lots of different gods and goddesses. Read up about Gods and Goddesses you were always interested in and drawn to.

    What IS the deal with Hanuman? Is there more to Freya than sex and jewelry?

    Start flirting with the ones who catch your eye. Read their mythologies. Look up artwork of them on Pinterest. Maybe join a course to learn about them, or read a book and do some ritual for them.

    You could get one of those books with loads of different rituals to different goddesses or gods and see who you vibe with – Michelle Sky does some cute ones in her Goddess Alive! series, and there is a great illustrated mythology book by Kris Waldherr called The Book of Goddesses which is GORGEOUS.

    Basically,  your hunt for a Patron is a wonderful excuse to pop to the library or spend some time getting books off Amazon, which is awesome cos us pagans LOVE reading and buying books!

    Over time, you will meet Gods and Goddesses you are really into: you can try connecting with them, doing ritual with them, feeling them out and seeing if there is a long tern connection there.

    How will I know when I have found my Patron?

    It depends. You will probably just feel it. You might be magnetically pulled to one Deity, or just get crazy excited when you see or read about them, or get chills when you think of them.

    You might just decide it. You might read about a God and just decide – Yes. That’s the one for me. You might just have a favourite Goddess and decide, Her please.

    It doesn’t necessarily have to be all burning bushes and sacred signs from the heavens. Don’t think you have to wait for some super magical showy sign to “prove” you are making the correct choice and that you are “right”. Trust yourself.

    In fact, I get really excited about the power of Choice.

    Choice is the true power of the witch: knowing oneself, making decisions for oneself, not giving away our strength and power to something outside of us.

    We don’t passively hand away our responsibility and power to Fate or Destiny, waiting for something else to decide our future for us. Nope.

    Can you make a wrong decision?

    I don’t know about that. If your heart is open and earnest, if you are walking into a relationship with a deity centred on love rather than what you can get out of it, I think you are good.

    (Again, it’s the same as human relationships. Going out with someone cos you like them is good. Going out with someone cos they have a nice car and a beach house is…. less good.)

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    Who is your Patron Deity, Demi?

    My Patron, my girl, is Morgan le Fey, and it’s been that way for over a decade.

    My life seems to be full of challenges so I can step into who She wants me to be. I found her in a book when I was 17 and naively dedicated to her a very short while later, asking for her to be my Patron, and since then my life has been all about learning Her ways: tapping into my intuition, truth, witchiness, stepping up and working as a Priestess.

    I love Her to bits. She feels like home to me. She is the thread that runs through my spiritual practice, tying it all together, pushing me to try certain courses and have certain experiences.

    However, in the last year and a bit I have been working a lot with the energies of the Love Goddesses – Aphrodite, Rhiannon and Venus – and I feel there is a strong important truth there too.

    In my practice, every now and again I do deep work with Yemanja and Oshun. It’s not like it’s just one Goddess for life and that’s it: you are not betraying your Patron by talking to other goddesses every now and again!

    And also, I tend to work with Goddesses a lot more than I work with Gods, but despite my chronic lack of God Knowledge in this article Patron Deities can be Gods or Goddesses.

    What do I do when I have found my Patron?

    Tell them they are great and start including them in your life! It’s time to connect with them. and build a relationship with them.

    How do I connect with my Patron Deity?

    How do you connect deeply with anything? You love them.

    You offer them your devotion, your passion and commitment: take time to hang out with them, think of them in your day to day life, chat to them in the mornings, leave them offerings, play their favourite songs, read books about them… you bring their energy into your life.

    Relationships are not a one way street. You don’t get the good stuff without putting in a little effort, without paying attention, without showing up. You gotta work for it.

    Good news is though, it won’t feel like work. If you have chosen a patron deity who you are head over heels for and super excited about, meditating with them, leaving them offerings, drawing little pictures and playing music that reminds you of them or whatever it is you are up to is going to be so much fun! You are going to want to do it!

    Here we are getting back to the love thing. If you love your deity, you are going to have the best time connecting with them and you are going to want to do it lots.

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    How do I love a Deity?

    Mainly, you just pay them attention. Here are some ideas.

    •  – Talk to them. Pray to them. Tell them what’s going on.
    •  – Tell them how great they are and why you like them so much. All deities like tha
    •  – Leave them offerings every day
    •  – Play music you think they would like or that reminds you of them
    •  – Cultivate an altar for your Deity
    •  – Create a Pinterest Board for them
    •  – Meditate with them
    •  – Draw pictures of them
    •  – Write poems for them
    •  – Connect with their energy daily
    •  – Consecrate an activity to them

    Of course, each individual deity has their own activities that they are master of, so of course you can do those too!

    If Artemis is your patron, nature walks could be a part of your devotion to Her – maybe you could have a go at archery too.

    If Venus is your patron, you could honour Her by eating dinner by candlelight, savouring every bite.

    If Yemanja is your patron, you could honour Her by taking sea salt baths and donating to Ocean Conservation charities.

    If Hecate is your patron, you could leave her offerings at the cross roads, or start learning the Tarot in Her honour.

    Use your imagination! There is so much fun to be had here!

    What if I choose my Deity but no magical freaky stuff happens?

    When I dedicated to my Patron, I was disappointed and I thought it hadn’t worked because I was expecting some magical super flashy sign to show up like: I dunno, books with the words “Morgan le Fey” would fall on me in bookshops, or I would have an inpromptu vision in the supermarket, or I would hear voices.

    Thing is, back then I wasn’t the kind of person that heard voices or had visions or got attacked by books, so I was expecting rather a lot!

    When this Hollywood-style confirmation didn’t come through, I assumed that Morgan le Fey wasn’t so keen on me, and I decided that it hadn’t worked and she wasn’t my patron. I was bummed, and then didn’t think about it much for a couple of years…

    …until later, when I developed my intuition and my Magical Synchronicity-Seeing Eyes, and began to notice books calling my name in bookshops, began to have really clear meditative experiences with Her, and hearing Her clear centred voice when I asked for advice.

    And then I noticed all the other little magical synchronicities that had happened in the past that I just had not paid attention to.

    If you are expecting a dramatic supernatural occurrence, but have not spent time noticing the ways in which spirit talks to you or developing your intuition or (so importantly) learnt to trust your intuition, how are you going to notice a magical sign?

    It’s like anything else. You can’t expect to see beautiful birds in your garden if you never take the time to look outside your window!

    How strong are your magical spidey senses? Can you be still enough to hear the subtle whispers of the divine, or are you always running at a mile a minute?

    Magic is subtle. It’s not generally flashy: we have to train our eyes to look out for it, to notice magical coincidences and not just sweep them under the rug.

    So if you have never noticed a lot of magical synchronicity in your life, or are not the visions-and-big-coincidences sort, don’t expect after devoting to the Morrigan to wake up with a flock of ravens on your front lawn after having a powerful, prophetic dream about Her.

    What do I do now I have a Patron Deity?

    You work with them. You call on them for support, wisdom and guidance.

    You invite them to your rituals and spellcastings. You let them become your strength, your mainline to the Divine. You let them touch your life and transform you in the ways they wish.

    I hope this guide was helpful to you! If you have any further questions, or would like to share your own experiences of finding a Patron Detity, ask in the Comments below or pop on over to my Facebook group, The Mermaid Sisterhood, and let’s chat about it!



    If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.


    About the Author:

    Demi Fox is a modern day Morgan le Fey, a mermaid Priestess, a theatrical goddess and a Venusian pleasure seeker. By day she runs Rockstar Priestess, a website dedicated to badass women’s spirituality and Avalonian goodness, and works as one of the UK’s premier professional mermaids: by night she lights up stages across the lands as a magnetic dancer and award-winning burlesque seductress. She runs courses like Morgan le Fey Mystery School, a lunar initiation to the enchantress Morgan le Fey, and Be More Mermaid, her archetypal mermaid course, and bewitching retreats and rituals in the UK. Join her Mermaid Coven on Facebook, or sign up to her Email List for sexy presents and delicious love letters.


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