by Crystal Elizabeth Westman

    Lately I’ve been stumbling upon a lot of self-help books with catchy titles, heck, maybe you’ve even heard of that title I’m full-out mocking, How to Win Friends and Influence People?

    Maybe you, too, have been finding yourself with your nose in an unlikely book—a book you never would have imagined liking, or ever reading, even if it was the last book on earth.

    But still, you read it (and maybe even liked it).

    And then you sat there wondering if it was true. You sat there wondering if any of it was authentic at all.

    That maybe it was all a bunch of lies! A marketing ploy to get you to buy more books (damn catchy titles!)

    I’m here to tell you… it was most probably a marketing ploy (a straight-up lie), just another way to suck you in and steal your soul for a whopping fifteen bucks off Amazon.

    But-what-ye-gonna-do! That’s business, right?

    They sell it. You Buy it.

    Let me just stop you right there.

    Because somewhere along the line you’ve been duped, blatantly lied to by someone who said you couldn’t sell shit. You’re not the seller, you’re the buyer! Get in line.

    Well, I’m here to tell you NOPE. WRONG. NOT TODAY.

    You are the seller (yeah, you).

    You are the CEO of your life.

    Got It?


    So, now that you’ve been officially re-hired as THE BIG KAHUNA, THE BIG BOSS, THE JEFE of your life, you can finally get back to doing what bosses do (back to calling the shots).

    That means thinking your own thoughts, drawing your own conclusions, making your own rules, deciding your own decisions… and trusting yourself to make them.

    Say what? That’s a tough one, I know.

    I’m not gonna sit here and get all self-lovey on you by telling you to go take a yoga class. I’m just gonna simply give it to you straight (like a boss).

    Repeat after me:

    I make up my own mind.

    I do what I want and when I want to.

    I will make time for the things I need.

    I decide what is right for me.

    My will matters.

    My time matters.

    My money matters.

    What I’m feeling matters.

    My life matters.

    I am magick!


    Wait…wait, wait…!

    Initially this made sense and seemed pretty simple to accomplish. But then I remembered we’re all just human here (or so I’m assuming) and we suck at doing what we’re told.

    We can be even worse at listening to ourselves…especially when we know it’s good for us.

    Because you know: guilt, shame, procrastination, insecurity, deep seated fears, rejection, low self-esteem…and so on and so on.

    Plus brainwashing is just kind of old-school.

    (Well, shoot) If only I had some way to feel more confident. If only I knew of some way to feel more powerful, to feel as unapologetic as those mantras.

    If only I could conjure up some way to not care about what others think of me.

    Dang, I wish I could just use my middle finger as a wand.

    Well, folks, today’s your lucky day! Because the solution is here and it’s called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

    (Just kidding)

    It’s actually called being a WITCH.


    Hey, wait. Aren’t you a witch?


    Because then you already know magick needs your strong-ass will and self-trust like none other to really get it to work.

    It needs you to feel it in your bones. It needs all your grit and madness and self-worth to manifest anything tangible.

    It needs you to get down and grimy with your humanness, with that all-encompassing void you try to fill with lies (all so that you may rise, my darling).

    And maybe finally trust… your middle finger has always been your magick wand.



    If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.


    About the Author:

    You can find Crystal Elizabeth Westman via her website, Instagram, and Facebook. You can find her novel, Intoxicated Witch, in stores and on internet shelves globally this summer (dates to come). Join her at where you can get updates.

    (How to Win Friends and Influence People was written by Dale Carnegie; The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was written by Mark Manson)


    all images via Pixabay



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