by Sarah Sequoia Dobbin
I remember last November, when the Taurus full moon came on so strong my own ethereal Taurean horns got a most magical erection, protruding outward by a primordial sense of self-love.
I had just come out of a strange and mysterious month-long love affair with a stage magician I had met on Tinder, HA! Yes, it was clear I was deep in the murky waters of my own insecurities and neediness.
It was less clear, however, that a deep subconscious yearning for true magic was brewing inside of me. Although the mind tricks and tempestuous feelings invoked by his obsession with (and my first experience of) bondage were quite entertaining, my inner calling pulled me to self-destruct and end this madness.
The ropes were fun and the guy was hot but seriously, IT WAS ALL STAGED.
Where was the authenticity? I mean it was also pretty cool he could tell me the words on a random page I had opened in a book, while standing on the other side of the room.
But the really crazy part? He didn’t actually believe in a magic.
Needless to say this love affair ended on a sour note that involved mild accusations by yours truly of being hypnotized. Or did I need to say that?
So heartbroken (yes, this stage magician was ever so strikingly sexy if I didn’t already mention, and yes I do need more than that), I moved on to learn to love myself.
This I had been avoiding really doing on and off for some 26 years.
I rekindled my deep love for writing and on top of that began to share it publicly at the local teahouse. This was huge for me considering up until then I wasn’t confident enough to really let me voice be heard.
I dove deep into my spiritual practice, dropped some bad habits and began making it a daily ritual to delve into my new-found passion – Tantra.
Through this I began to find love all around, and especially inside of me. That’s when the full moon in Taurus arrived.
I felt guided to do a ceremony with myself on this evening and sat in meditation by some candles and crystals in my room, alone, speaking to anyone out there who would listen.
I knew that part of me, more than anything, still wanted to have a partner to share in this spiritual journey with, to practice Tantra, to believe with me in the magic of the universe… my Twin Flame.
I called on all my guardians, visualized all I desired in a conscious relationship, why I deserved it, why I wanted it, and how I would nurture it.
This I said with such depth and ferocity, like a Goddess it could be heard resounding into the heart of the universe – I AM READY.
Two weeks had passed and I was at the teahouse sharing a sensually sad love poem I had written about the stage magician (although no one knew it was about him).
It had caught the attention of a musician who seemed to be about my age and who nearly brought me to orgasm when I heard him sing the song “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen.
Little did I know this musician would turn out to be my real magician.
We spent hours talking after the open mic that night sharing stories, beliefs, poetry and staring deeply into each other’s eyes.
There were abnormally big butterflies in my stomach then and I took it that these spirit guides were signalling abnormally big transformation.
Our first kiss was outside on the steps of the teahouse that same night and to this day we have spent nearly every day together.
As we got to know each other, I began to realize this guy had a profound interest in magic. And I mean real magic.
Up until then I considered my meditations and yoga practice to be the only enchanting charms of my manifesting…
But there was a lot more to be revealed and it seemed as though after everything, Magick had found me.
Gazing into the mirror of my new love (let’s call him Skyler), I began to awaken my inner witch.
He was like an old book of ancient Arcanum, scholarly and wise, passionate and sensitive, and a clear channel for all things magickal.
We became each other’s muse – he taught me sorcery and I taught him tantra. Let me tell you, it has been quite the combination!
The Winter Solstice (Yule) marked the commencement of my first rotation on the wheel of the year.
My first spell. My first experience as a newly awoken witch.
Skyler, myself and his other wizard friend, Jableton, shared in ritual together, practicing and honoring magick in the way it should be.
Since my relationship with Skyler began, we’ve moved together through 6 of the 8 sabbats on the wheel of the year and we have both completely transformed into much more beautiful versions of ourselves.
I’ve carved my first wand, become a hard-core Goddess worshipper, received my first athame and had my birthday two days apart from Skyler’s during the week of Beltane (yes, remember the Taurus full moon ritual? He’s a Taurus too).
I’ve learned so much about the essence of magick and one thing that I know for sure is at it’s core – LOVE.
Yes dating a real magician is a beautiful, mysterious, light, dark, passionate, alluring, scary, fascinating, fantastically exciting adventure and for me, a dream come true.
But honestly, with my ethereal Taurean horns still erect by self love, I think magick would have found me either way!
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