by Uriel Gray


    Yesterday I was floating on a high from an emotionally messy poetic birth, a sexy night of no sleep, and gooood wine.

    My partner and I started watching The Social Network and my mind cracked right open.

    In this dream state I had 6 Eureka moments which have changed my life unalterably…

    That is, unless I decide that I really love the nice calm limited feeling of being poor enough that I had to live on my friend’s futon, and decide to go back to that…

    Mmmm, I loved the nightly pity party games I could play in my head because of how shitty my situation was and also, how much more spiritual than people I am because I didn’t need possessions anyway.

    But INFLUENCE played a trick on me such that I figured out my love of those games, and now I’ve started making money and I’ve gotten slightly bored with my previous drama.

    So here are six revelations from my spirit animal, tech sorcerer Mark Zuckerberg, instead.

    Zucker1Image source

    Revelation 1: Even genius gets help to become more genius.

    I’ve been thinking recently about getting some personal magickal coaching.

    Even though my success is blowing up past all former levels, I am really having a challenging time dealing with all this growth and good stuff coming my way.

    Yes, that phrase was on my mental vision board for 5 years and yes I finally get to say it after 6 weeks of INFLUENCE, and yes, I am a shameless shill with #betterproblemsnow.

    But seriously, take the course if you want to flirt with the Universe using your your brain because…

    …when you flirt with the Universe, the Universe flirts back with you.

    I was thinking that coaching involves major change and possibly even blowing up with massive and truly huge success.

    But some part of me wants to just do the business and life equivalent of lounging on my couch and dropping grapes into my gob-hole.

    Actually, I Iiterally do that, I’m basically HedonismBot from Futurama.

    So that’s cool.

    I’m getting comfortable with my delicious laziness and sloth with occasional bright bursts of insanely great output.

    Before I watched The Social Network I figured that Mark Zuckerberg was like that too. He was a bona fide genius at Harvard, doing the genius thing…

    Knowing better than everyone and neglecting his boring classes for his own investigations of the software that would spawn Facebook.

    But then as I’m watching The Social Network, my brain goes lateral.

    I’m getting instant replay of the bit where Mark Zuckerberg gets confronted with Sean Parker, as played by Justin Timberlake.

    Revelation 2: Sometimes the help you need annoys the fuck out of you at first.

    Sean Parker here is way beyond the nerdy rebel teen who invented Napster while still living at home.

    No, Sean Parker is now a #baller, millionaire tech mage playboy. And his role in The Social Network is to blow Mark Zuckerberg’s mind.

    He is flying the Facebook team to New York and wining and dining them.

    He is mic-dropping in boardrooms in front of the most powerful businesspeople Zuckerberg has ever seen.

    And he’s telling Zuckerberg to take Facebook in a huge direction. Zuckerberg can’t even imagine it.

    Revelation 3: Some of the things that sound too huge and successful for you to possibly achieve actually are magickally intended for you.

    “No,” says powerful business mage Sean Parker  to Zuckerberg at one point, “You aren’t going to ask for some lowball amount of venture capital funding.You are going to ask for a million dollars.”

    “What??” says flabbergasted Zuckerberg, tech mage in training.

    “You are,” says Parker.

    “And then you are just going to turn around and walk out. And if they don’t give it to you, someone else will. Because no one knows what this Facebook thing is really about but everyone knows it’s blowing up.”

    Revelation 4: I would have told Sean Parker he was crazy.

    I bet you’re thinking, “Man, it would be fucking sweet to be sitting on a goldmine like Facebook-in-the-making, and if I was, and that zany Sean Parker told me go ask for a million dollars, I would have done exactly what he said.”

    This is my masturbation porn, literally.


    But no, you wouldn’t.

    And probably neither would I have. Instead we would have both told him he was nuts.


    Because, picture it: Someone comes along who clearly has their shit wayyy further together than you do, in that one particular aspect you crave. And they have all these ideas about what you can do, except it both involves some work on your part…

    Zucker5Image Source

    …and their ideas of what you can do are uncomfortably large.

    Yup, that’s every for-real, genuinely-has-a-calling-for-it coach I can think of, but while smart people seek coaching… Zuckerberg had it dropped upon him.

    According to the movie, brilliance came and irreverently crashed on his couch and ate his food supply.

    Most people would have told Sean Parker to get his name-dropping, inflated-ideas, party-boy nose out of their company.

    But Zuckerberg ran with Parker’s advice, because intuition compelled him.

    And he made several billion dollars on it.


    Because when wild-partying, supermodel-dating, drug-taking Sean Parker told straight-edge nerd Zuckerberg that… this thing he was building had capabilities he didn’t even know about yet… and… he should pitch serious investors those capabilities and make bank…

    — Mark Zuckerberg said yes and did it.


    Revelation 5: Billionaire tech mages don’t get that way because their mothers suckled them on billionaire juice.

    Probably, at some point, they were heavily coached.

    And said YES to it.

    So what does that leave me with?

    ✔ YES most highly successful people are huge advocates of one-on-one or focused mastermind coaching. (I’ve noticed this over the years) and it nauseates me perhaps because as a tranny, I want to be 100% self-made man.

    Okay, bad joke.


    ✔ YES, good coaching = success seems to be universal across disciplines, from finance to owning the internet to magick.

    ✔ and YES, I am a coach and I have still fought and resisted getting much coaching.

    And when I did get coached, I fought him hard. Man worked hard for the money. That was also in the days when I was fighting success tooth and nail.

    Plot Twist…

    Sean Parker is a billionaire now who recently wed his long-time fiancee in their version of an enchanted elven forest amid the redwoods of California.

    But it often doesn’t go so well for those folks who can take a look into someone else’s messy dark shit and give them the difficult, golden key to unlock that EXIT.

    Folks, like, for example, the great witch and magus Jesus Christ.

    Or Da Vinci…

    Zucker2Ornithopter? Da Vinci called it the AIR SCREW.

    Yes, he created masterpieces that inspire to this day.

    But he presumably spent a lot of time drawing ornithocopters (e.g. helicopters) in notebooks where everyone who knew about them thought he was crazy.

    In general people with insights ahead of their time get scourged, rejected, possibly literally witch hunted.

    So if you were given that all-important Sean Parker level of insight into your area of genius and you think you would have drunk the man dry of insights and begged for more… you probably wouldn’t.

    Statistically speaking, we’re both a lot more likely to have been in the crowd calling for Jesus’ blood than be the one man (and plenty of ladies) who stuck around through the whole crucifixion (pardon my latent crypto-Catholicism.)

    Zucker3Image source

    Revelation 6: Paying attention to his magical intuition and accepting coaching is why Mark Zuckerberg now has a billion-dollar fortune to do whatever the hell he wants with… and we don’t (as of yet).

    Here’s one more principle from INFLUENCE which I hope Carolyn doesn’t mind me sharing: the idea of magic as metanoia, or reversing the flow of your previous life/energy/way of thinking (something Jesus himself was very into btw).

    Unless you reverse the flow, you get stuck with where the dull and barren path of rut takes you.

    Zucker4Or you can use magic to make like Scrooge McDuck and accumulate enough cash to bathe in.

    I think for me, I’m gonna get me some magickal coaching.

    Because, while I cannot randomly entice a genius who looks like a rock star to randomly wander up to me, offer me the good drugs and sexy boys/girls, and then spend vast amounts of her time and energy convincing me to believe her when she says that my product, my potential, my direction, are so much bigger than I ever thought that, baby, I should wear shades…

    I can hire that person.

    Maybe I’m finally ready for it…

    Maybe I want someone who whispers big things about my potential in my ear, makes uncomfortable boundary pushing feel sexy and adventurous…and suggests that I’m not just the hot witch I feel myself to be inside, but 100x brighter, with brilliance burning a hole in my hot-sauced bag.

    Maybe you want that too?

    Even being a coach and getting coached are not mutually exclusive states… nor is receiving coaching a sign that you are “a failure.”

    Far from it. Maybe that means you’re ready for boom time.

    There are great coaches writing on WITCH.

    If you crave an edgy bitch to lovingly talk you down from your state of total immobility… call me, honey. ;)


    About the Author:

    URIEL GRAY MAGICK CATALYSTUriel Gray is a DRAG QUEEN TRANNY FAG and PSYCHIC coach who craves to get up in your high-drama business and sniff your dawning brilliance like a baby’s head. He is launching his course on unfucking your shame: TRANS-FORM. Uriel focuses on wealth building, fame glamour, his image in the mirror, and his beloved naked mole rat. He turned his youngest lover from a shy #foreveralone to a confident Aquarian playboy …a polyamorous, parkour Paul Newman… after which said lover’s mother thanked Uriel. ;)



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