by Lynn Wolfbrandt
Often, the difference between bleh sex and amazing sex is a simple something we tend to overlook.
That simple something is intention.
Everything else in life, we infuse with intention and spiritual meaning: our movement practice, our time in nature, our pre-client rituals.
But sex … sex has often been made “other”.
It’s compartmentalized as dirty, scary, and even as something we should automatically know how to do.
Because of our conditioning around sex (and resulting experiences), sex doesn’t get the kind of magical attention we lavish on just about everything else in our lives.
Sex ends up living in the shadows: it’s something we’d like to change, or experience in a different way, but we’re without a roadmap for how to get there.
And perhaps we think our spirit guides and planetary deities wouldn’t dare join us in the bedroom—that they’re not here for something so primal, human, and base.
Here’s the thing about guides: they are truly here to support you, as you are, in all you desire. They don’t carry our human judgments, our learned attitudes about sexuality.
Your guides are here to support sexuality in the same ways they support life itself.
After all, sexuality, in its purest form, is a celebration of life. It is pleasure incarnate.
It is the closest we can get, sans medicines and chemicals, to a perfect state of being. To losing our minds and connecting with god consciousness.
The next time you self-pleasure or make love, try this simple energy clearing and spell.
It will bring you closer to your desires, sexual and spiritual.
It was created to foster more intimacy and acceptance around sexuality.
1. Set your sacred space.
Light candles, fluff your pillows, and reinvigorate the energy above and around your bed using incense, or by simply smoothing the old energy off the bed with your hands.
2. Gather your favorite sex toys and/or your lover.
3. Once in your bed, seal the space.
Envision your bed bathed in golden or rose quartz light, the entire space surrounded by a forcefield, only allowing love into the space.
If you’re feeling extra fancy, surround the bed with crystals and flowers.
4. Speak aloud:
“I call in my well guides, helper spirits, angels and higher self consciousness to protect and guide me. May you assist me in finding amazing pleasure, higher states of spirituality, and full sexual expression.”
5. Now state what you are casting out of the space. What are you done with?
For instance, “I cast out judgment of my body. I cast out the need to have a certain type of orgasm. I cast out shame around my sexual expression.”
If performing the ritual with a lover, they get a turn too.
6. Now state what you are calling in.
“I’m calling in experience of a new kind of pleasure, at heights I’ve never experienced before. I’m calling in seeing the goddess in myself. I’m calling in the ability to move my sexual energy through my body in new ways. I’m calling in healing for my vagina and womb.”
Allow your lover to speak as well.
7. Optional (and extremely potent):
Eye gaze with your lover, or with yourself in a mirror for 2-5 minutes.
See beyond your physical form, into your soul, into the Kali, Kuan Yin, or fairy sex goddess inside you.
8. Begin making love with yourself or your partner.
Remember your intention and hold it loosely.
Notice when you are drawn into old thought patterns you desire to discard, and simply let them go when they arise.
Experiment with following your pleasure, and expanding it through your body by seeing it as a diffuse glow that you can breathe into different parts of your body.
9. When you finish your lovemaking ritual:
Thank yourself, your lover and the guides who showed up to make the experience possible.
Notice the difference between this intentional experience and others you’ve had.
Extra credit: create an altar to lovemaking or self-pleasure in your bedroom.
Collect items that represent your sexual intentions, areas where you long for healing, and states you want to experience.
Adorn the altar the way you would your womb or sexual energy center, with fresh flowers, chocolate, fruit and crystals.
Meditate with your altar a few times a week, taking a few deep breaths, dropping in, and asking for the next step on your path to sexual healing and pleasure.
When performing the ritual with a lover, resist the temptation to cast out one of your lover’s behaviors, i.e. “I cast out how you always speed up and seem to forget I’m there.”
That’s a (much-needed) conversation for another time. Instead, focus on your own thought patterns and actions.
Adding ritual to sex and self-pleasure is one way to reclaim your sexuality, and to bring intentionality, healing and goddess into a space where many of us have been disempowered.
From here you can create a safe space to meet all of your sexual selves: the wild one, the innocent, the seductress, the goddess, the slut.
Each one of you is valid; each one of you deserves her free expression.
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About the Author:
Lynn Wolfbrandt is a sexual healer and coach with a profound interest in energetics, tantra, magical sex, and the power of self-pleasure. Her colorful career has included stints as a sex toy shop clerk, full-time vibrator review writer, and finally, after a spiritual and witchy awakening, a coaching practice that fuses sacred sexuality with practicality, lust, and radical self-acceptance. You can find Lynn on Instagram and check out the sexuality courses available on her website, Sacral Empowerment.
all images via Unsplash