SPONTANEOUS INITIATION – no, you won’t die (yet…)

by Renée Damoiselle

 

Way back when I was a little baby witchlet and a dedicant to be initiated into a coven, my teacher/ high priestess taught me about what she termed “spontaneous initiation”.  This is almost exactly like spontaneous human combustion, but different… I’ll explain.

“Wait! Back up. Is being a dedicant like being a pledge to a sorority or fraternity?”

No, it’s much worse.  In addition to spending a year and a day being regularly embarrassed, made to do outrageously weird things, being stripped naked, tied up and flogged (only sort of joking), you also have to learn stuff.  A lot of stuff (some of which I’ll share with you, dear reader in subsequent blogs!).

Now, back to Spontaneous Initiation.

First you’ll need to have a basic understanding of what initiation into a coven is like.

When you are initiated you are put through a ritual which is intended to symbolize the process of (i) struggle and awakening in the mundane realm of daily life, followed by (ii) descent into the unknown, (iii) spending a little time in the scary, depressing dark, a period many refer to as “the dark night of the soul”, (iv) further descent into death, then, (v) rebirth followed by (vi) vows and oaths of dedication and secrecy, amid (vii) threats of utter annihilation if said oaths are broken.

Sounds like fun, right??

Spontaneous Initiation is when all of the above sort of appears in your life seemingly without your asking for it.

“Wait! You mean all of that horrible initiation stuff just, like, HAPPENS? For REALZ??”

Yes. Well, maybe not the vows and oaths of secrecy, but all the other stuff, yes.  I’m going through one right now! (Joy!)

See this Tarot card right here?  This one?  With the big building cracking and crumbling and being struck by lightning… the one with the people jumping out of it?  This is the Initiation card.

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What my high priestess taught me about this is that, sometimes, when you make a major decision with your whole mind, body and soul (for example the decision to join a coven, or perhaps to really work on integrating your shadow, or start a new business that is truly soul inspired), you become an “attractor” for situations that will put you through an initiation-like process.

The reason for this, as I understand it, is that, when we truly want to change, the part of us that is no longer serving the desired outcome, has to die, so that we can be rebirthed into that new life.

Or, the short version:

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Let me give you a real-life example. Me. Right now.

So, a couple of months back I began ramping up my magickal, witchy activities after a period of rest and renewal.

I started taking on new clients, teaching more classes and filling up my schedule with all sorts of fun things.  At the same time, I’ve been taking self improvement classes and delving deeply into my Shadow (a la Carl Jung).

And while I have done some of this kind of work before, I’m finding some new perspective and realizing that I’ve triggered my own spontaneous initiation.

Here are some of the things that have been “happening to me” lately.

My daughter brought up something that happened in her childhood that was particularly painful for her and revealed that she felt that something I did caused it and why.  We talked about it and I shed many tears and my heart hurt for days (still does, if I’m being honest), but it was a discussion that needed to take place.

image source (and yes, my daughter and I do see ourselves as the Gilmore Girls)

I brought up a topic with my significant other that prompted another, extremely teary and scary conversation.

I’m not sure if this was a conversation that needed to happen, but I felt like it was a departure from my usual “Keep it to yourself unless it’s immediately relevant” nature.

And maybe that departure is a good thing.  More openness in a relationship is good, right?  Right?  (It’s just, I still feel like I may have damaged a little piece of us, so I’m not sure.)

My dreams have become wildly vivid, deeply emotional, baffling and/or violent.  I wake up in various states of emotion every day and wonder WTF??

A couple of weeks ago, I was in a severe car accident.

I was driving 75 mph on a 6 lane highway. Someone hit my car, causing me to spin around into oncoming traffic and be struck, head-on, by another driver.  I was unhurt, miraculously.  So were all the other people involved.

The driver who hit me left the scene and has not been found.

My car was totaled (it was an older vehicle and did not have collision insurance).  Although I was unharmed, this incident has caused me some emotional trauma.

I had my first panic attack in years a few days after the accident.  I’m still a bit of a nervous wreck when I’m driving.

Oh, and I’m driving a new-to-me car. That’s the good news.  The bad news is that my financial situation at this time is such that I’ve done what I said I would never do again, that is, borrow money.

I’m struggling with various addictive behaviors which have really begun to bug me and I realize I can no longer tolerate in myself.

This is known as battling inner demons.

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There is also this menopause thing happening.

My body fluctuates between the temperature of the sun (there’s that spontaneous human combustion thing again!) and Antarctic chill about every five minutes.

Generally speaking, I feel like I want to jump out of my skin all the time.

I can’t focus.  I’m having a hard time performing the duties of my day job (which is, of course, indispensible, now that I’ve incurred debt!) and I’m pretty much on the verge of tears at every moment of every day.  Fun!

I recognize this feeling.  It’s Spontaneous Initiation.

You see, back in January, I made a decision.

I decided to change my life.

I decided to finally, really work on some of the areas of my life that I’d denied and ignored for a long time. This is equivalent to looking defiantly at the universe with your chin out and uttering the words, “Bring it!”

Well, “IT” has been brought, and is possibly still coming.   It’s good for me, ultimately (yay!). Don’t you just love that word – Ultimately?  It means not now.  It means, for now, you suffer.

I’m grateful that my teacher imparted this knowledge to me.  At least I know that all of this isn’t random.

All of these emotional upheavals have a purpose.  And at the end, there will be a new me!  Reborn.

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Maybe you recognize this process happening in your life?

If so, fear not.  It may feel like your soul is on fire and there will be nothing left but a few charred cinders.  It may feel like dying, but it’s not the end. I promise.

It’s a new beginning.