by Demelza Fox
I love this time of year, as it’s the time of releasing the old and making ready for the new, getting excited about the possibility of a new year.
And at this time of year the game of New Year’s resolutions begin… though usually resolutions stem from a feeling of “I am bad let’s fix me” rather than “This will be fun, let’s do more of this”.
All my New Year’s resolutions that were about fixing me and making me “better” have always fizzled out.
The New Year’s resolutions that were about something I thought would be fun always worked.
My fave: 2017’s promise to drink more booze! That was a good year.
Why is this?
I think “I’m bad let’s fix me” resolutions stem from a cruel core self-belief that has deep underworld power in our psyche – we are not enough.
Common New Year’s resolutions are things like Go To The Gym, or Eat Less, or Keep Better Accounts – all are punishments because we have been doing the wrong thing; watching too much Netflix, falling victim to the magic of the ready meal, and avoiding looking at spreadsheets.
And you know what? They rarely work.
In my life, a good example would be my regular resolution failure of “Do dance training every day”.
This doesn’t work because it’s me putting up futile fisticuffs against a great swampy cthulu of a belief – I am not a proper or devoted enough dancer. I am not good enough.
You’d think simply dancing every day would fix it, right? Logical, right?
Nope. Because the amount of resistance we will put up to not dance everyday is exhausting, because our core belief is I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH and our unconscious has a VESTED INTEREST IN MAKING SURE THAT IS TRUE.
Your conscious mind doesn’t run the show!
Your subconscious has decided what is true, and being the deeply magical beast that it is it manipulates you into creating proof that it is true.
So telling yourself to do more witchcraft every day because you do not feel that you are witchy enough will not work because at least half of you is deeply invested in proving that you are not witchy enough.
And the rest of you tends to talk big but finds it has a lot less power that you’d like to admit.
Believe that you are essentially not witchy enough, and every time you come to do something you feel you should do to be more witchy will fill you with anxiety, as your subconscious battles to prove itself right.
I think that’s why so many of us struggle with resistance towards what we truly want – we’ve coated it in a varnish of sticky self loathing, and every time we get close to doing what we want the residue comes off and we go “I remember. I’m not that.”
And then we get stuck in this trap of never doing the one thing that will prove our subconscious wrong.
It’s hella clever.
What’s the fix?
Well, a New Year’s resolution is a bit like choosing the intention for a spell. (What in life isn’t like witchcraft?) So let’s witch it out.
1. Make it dirty.
Part one is to release all pressure whatsoever: to make your desire kind of dirty so the veneer of perfectionism slips off it.
So if the desire is to be more witchy, instead of telling yourself to perform a ritual every week, perhaps in 2019 giving yourself permission to be proud of being a Shitty Witch, or maybe even a Lazy Witch, will free up that resistance so you can, you know, actually do stuff rather than be locked in self hatred…
…or just be cool with the fact that you aren’t out there under the full moon throwing black salt and thrice-blessed rosemary smoke about all the time like a “real” witch.
(That’s what I imagine real witches do at least. Fake witches like me count clearing cupboards as spells.)
If the desire is to do better at business, but you feel like there is a load of shoulds and shames about what kind of person gets to earn money and who deserves it, perhaps a better New Years resolution would be Be a Fraud.
Meaning you have permission not to be perfect or the expert and say yes to all opportunities, regardless of wether or not you think you will excel or not.
Or Be Smaug-Obsessive About My Money.
Meaning you have permission to let your thirsty dirty hunger for cold hard cash drive you and fuel you, rather than trying to be “nice” and to “make a difference”, AND you get to imagine you are a dragon with the honey voice of Benedict Cumberbatch.
If you choose something a bit bad and a bit fun, it’s going to be easier to trick your mind into playing along because it doesn’t trigger that “not good enough” wound.
2. Super New Age Releasing Spell
Another great trick to use is to practice forgiveness.
Create a big long list of every situation regarding your goal and where you have failed before – where you tried to go on a diet but ended up buying and eating a huge bag of cinnamon pretzels on the way home.
Where you intended to exercise but just hit snooze till the chance was know more, every time you have ever disappointed yourself in the past.
Write down every disappointment.
And then go through it all, feel each one, and say to yourself with love and feeling: I forgive you and I love you.
Imagine letting it go.
And it doesn’t matter if you don’t do it perfectly – we come back to it a week later to do it again on the situations that still have charge. It’s simple, but it creates big shifts.
Super new age releasing spell, buh-bam.
3. Captain’s Proof Log
And my last trick? Keep a log of how great you are doing.
It’s easy when we believe we are a shitty witch, or a lazy dancer, or bad at keeping accounts, to discredit and ignore all the things we do that prove we are a great witch, a disciplined dancer, and ok at accounts.
Write down at the end of every day your proof that your New Year’s resolution is working: what happened today that proved you are rocking your intention?
Soon you will have an endless list of things you didn’t even realise you were doing that proves you are not who you think you are.
In the Law of Attraction (read that as mainstream whitewashed witchcraft) whatever you pay attention to multiplies – and it’s true.
If I pay more loving attention to my accounts, I get more money coming in.
If I pay attention to how lovely and hot my boyfriend is, he gets lovelier and hotter.
If I pay attention to training our puppy to not lick everyone’s face when they come in, she does it.
As soon as I start neglecting these, I see my monies dwindle, I notice how my boyfriend talks about Instagram too much, and the puppy becomes a gross licky demon.
The more you pay attention to the proof your desire is working, the more you will look for proof, the more open you will be to opportunities to prove yourself right, the more proof you collect, the more motivated you will feel and the happier you will feel about it.
Release perfectionism, embrace what is, engage in some good-hearted new age magic, and rock out your 2019.
Or just decide this will be the year where you go to more parties and drink more coconut daquiris.
Whatever you choose to witch in your life 2019, so mote it be!
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About the Author:
Demelza Fox is a modern day mermaid, international dancer, Venusian Devotee and a Priestess of Morgan le Fey. By day, she runs Rockstar Priestess, a priestess- and goddess spirituality-training site for wild witches and mystic mermaids, and by night she lights up stages across the land as a magnetic dancer and award winning burlesque seductress. She runs the Morgan le Fey Mystery School, dedicated to teaching the ways and secrets of Morgan le Fey through both online courses and retreats in the heart of the landscape of Avalon in Glastonbury UK. If you would like to learn more about Morgan le Fey, be a part of free online mermaid ceremonies and join Demi for more badass priestessery and venusian magic, you can join her Mermaid Coven on Facebook, or sign up to her Email List for sexy presents and delicious love letters.
featured image via Unsplash