by Sara Hocking
You’ve been called a witch and aren’t sure whether you should be offended or throw the biggest party you’ve ever had.
To you, a witch is very clear cut: either you rock a sparkly dress and you’re a “good witch” or you’re lying dead under a house and you’re a “bad witch.”
I refuse to subscribe to a binary definition of a witch and am suggesting that you may be one, not fit into either category and not even know you’re a witch.
Witches don’t have to create concoctions with eye of newt, go to full moon soirees or drop knowledge from a crystal ball. As a witch, you live life as you are and refuse to subscribe to the box society would like to paint you into.
Here are some signs to help you know if you should keep a look out for your Hogwarts acceptance letter:
1. You’re Not the Statue of Liberty
You don’t need to take in the tired, the homeless, the hungry, the poor, the tired masses. You don’t need the “friends” who don’t call you back or EVER ask how you’re doing.
You don’t need the ones who act like they want to hang out, but they really want a free haircut or a snippet of your legal expertise.
You spend your time with the people who value you, the people who see the real you and stimulate you.
Your friends descend into the Underworld with you and then help you back to the surface when you aren’t sure you can return. Friends aren’t people you have to rescue or be PC for.
2. You Aren’t Mom or Wife of the Year
You’re not going to make the best casserole or have pancakes, juice and fresh cut flowers in the table for breakfast.
You don’t have time for that. You’re not here to please your partner or hope that he will make you happy. You grab your kid by the wrist and drag him through Target, sticky handed because it makes you happy.
You love it there and can’t leave without dropping $100 at the register, even when you don’t need anything in your shopping cart. Bask in your perfectly imperfect self.
3. You Decline Your Mom’s Calls
You can feel in your bones when the phone rings that it is her, before you even look.
You don’t care that there is an open house in your neighborhood. You can’t take your mom calling to tell you how she had to take your sister’s kids for the night, again, and how hard it was.
She’s your mom. You love her. You might even be friends with her on Facebook. But, you can’t bear to hear how hard or dysfunctional or tired or busy she is.
And, you surely can’t tell her what she wants to hear. You quickly calculate the cost of replacing your phone and decide not to answer.
4. You Shred Expectations for Breakfast
You spent your life doing what you “should.” You went to school, got married, had kids. You hate it all.
You hate that you got a degree that you don’t use and are still paying for. You fantasize about single life and find yourself checking out hot dads and moms at school pick up.
You’ve resolved that if your kids use one more bath towel this week, you plan to leave them in the Target parking lot.
Despite your borderline psychopathic thoughts, you’re ok with all of this. You know it is who you are.
You’re not shouting it from rooftops, but you spend your shower time crossing the should off your to-do-list and then putting it in the shredder.
5. You Do Something For You
You sign up for the painting class that you can’t quite afford. You take a “mental health” day buy the hottest lingerie you can find. You spend an entire afternoon reading.
You have realized that you will literally explode if you don’t have time for yourself.
You put on the red dress and heels and go dancing because you know it will free your soul. No one has to invite you or pressure you or suggest any of it to you.
You do it because it feels good and because you can.
6. You Trust Yourself
You know what is best for you. You know what you need. You know what you want.
I’m not talking a Big Mac at midnight as a “life choice” here. I’m talking you would rather lick syrup off the floor of a public restroom than go to work.
You panic at the thought of being single but secretly wish your girlfriend will break up with you and cheat until she does.
You’re not mental. You’re not delusional. You’re real. And you’re scared.
Instead of licking the syrup up, you take action. You apply for new jobs. You break up with her yourself. You’ve stopped being the passive bystander waiting for the world to happen to you.
You take the steps in your life to bring yourself happiness.
7. You Believe Magic Exists
You haven’t joined a coven and don’t even have your own tarot deck. You do know there is more to our world than meets the eye.
You have déjà vu more times a week than you can count. You take on the emotions of people around you.
You immediately know whether or not you like someone you’ve just met. None of this would be possible if magic weren’t real.
8. You Are a Bad-Ass
The possibilities here are endless. Everything you’ve read so far is true about you.
Yet, you still see yourself as boring, or dorky or uncertain.
News flash: you’re a bad ass. You do what works for you, on your terms. Ok, ok, maybe not all the time, but everyone’s gotta start somewhere.
Once is a start. Once a month is another step. Once a week, you’re further down the path.
Next thing you know, you’re doing what you want to do, not giving a fuck what other people think or say. Other people will look at you like a goddess.
You’ll be the girl every guy wants to bang and who they want to be. You live life on your own terms.
Obviously, you’re a witch.
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