by Erin Roca

    There are many myths and stories about the succubus, a demon woman who derives power from feeding off the sexual energy of those she comes into contact with.

    There are stories of mermaids and sirens who lure men to their deaths.

    There are even echoes of this in nature. The Black Widow who devours her mates post-coitus. The Queen Bee who collects penises like trophies.

    As humans, we are part of this natural ordering. I’m not saying it’s time to go round up all the penises, but it is time to acknowledge and harness our sexual power more than ever.

    This is for all of you fellow dark, Scorpio-esque, magickal sex goddesses who have spent your life trying to understand this power and use it for your benefit instead of wasting it.

    You might be an evolved succubus/sex goddess if…

    1. You’ve been promiscuous at one point in your life.

    That point might even be now. You recognize your hunger for a sexual connection and the need to be satiated.

    Promiscuity usually denotes a lack of discernment, but somewhere along the line, you recognized your mindless behaviors and backed the fuck up. You were able to ask the tough questions, like, “Is this really satisfying me or am I craving something richer and deeper?”

    It doesn’t mean you don’t have sex for pure physical pleasure and it doesn’t mean you haven’t made some bad decisions.

    On the contrary, the raw, animalistic nature of your sexuality has driven you to send nudes on SnapChat and watch porn into the wee hours of the night.

    It’s caused unhealthy relationships with emotionally unavailable people.

    You crave to be seen and worshipped as the goddess you are. If this has meant allowing any subjects, loyal or not, to bow down before you, then so be it.

    2. You identify outside sexual conventions.

    You’re queer, bi, pan, trans, polyamorous, kinky, and/or in some kind of non-traditional relationship.

    Your life mantra is “Fuck conventions. Fuck the societal norm.”

    You crave meaning and transcendence from your sex life. You crave passion and dissonance and romance and messy relationships.

    To a certain degree, you crave disagreements and pain, if only to be able to come out on the other side stronger and more resilient.

    There is no pleasure in safety and security for you. You want to push the boundaries and be liberated by your sexual fantasies, not restricted by them.

    erin2image source

    3.You’ve ever been told by a lover, “That was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

    This could be after a one-night stand, or by a long-time partner who reaffirms your identity.

    This compliment could also come in the form of, “I never thought I liked (insert sexual position/kink/fetish) until you showed me how to enjoy it.”

    You’re not afraid to admit you’ve never tried something and are willing to indulge your partners as best you can, but you also know where to draw your limits.

    You’re vocal during sex and communicate clearly (but provocatively) what you want.

    You treat your partners with respect. You see them, you hear them, and you make them feel desired. To feel desired by you is their greatest pleasure.

    You’re not afraid to show your enjoyment and make it known when you’re in the throes of ecstasy. These are what make you an excellent lay, though we can’t diminish the role of the other in all this.

    Sex is about connection, after all. If someone isn’t on your level, you can rise them up to meet you if they are ready. All these things combined make you “the best sex ever.”

    4. You feel recharged after a sexual encounter.

    No matter how cranky, tired, or grumpy you were before the sex stuff happens, you’re guaranteed to be decidedly less so after the fact.

    This isn’t a simple, “I’m hungry, feed me” yearning. This is an almost insatiable longing to achieve transcendental connection with another soul.

    The physical desire is there, but you’re so connected – mind/body/spirit/emotions, that you can’t help but seek that deeper connection.

    Humans are meant to connect physically and we require intimate contact with others in order to survive and thrive. You recognize this and don’t ignore it.

    You place importance on your sexual desires because they give you not only temporary satisfaction, but cumulatively contribute to your musings, motivation, and over well-being as a human.

    It’s like charging your phone. You need to be charged up sometimes, too.

    5. You know and believe you’re a sexy goddess, especially during the act of sex.

    You exude a confidence in your body that tells others, “Hey, I’m a fucking goddess and I know it. Worship me.”

    Sex is just another way for you to communicate. Usually, it’s to communicate to the other what a breathtaking specimen you are.

    During sex, the belief you are sexy and worthy of adoration is transferred onto your sexual partner. You can feel your partner’s energy and read their mind sometimes.

    You know that the more confident and sexy you feel, the higher you will raise the other person (or people).

    The higher you raise them up, the more they will want to worship you as you sit upon your throne.

    6. You’ve been told you’re” too emotional” and can feel other people’s emotions.

    Sherrie Dillard distinguishes between four psychic types – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

    You can possess all four abilities, but you probably have one dominant type, which may mean being emotionally psychic.

    Sometimes you feel someone else’s emotions before they are even aware of it.

    A part of being inherently sexual means being able to transmit emotions. Emotions are often represented by water because they ebb and flow.

    You can control this current willfully if you choose to. At any given time, you may tap into another person’s emotions, empathically or not.

    In the same way, you can make someone else feel what you’re feeling.

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    7. You believe in giving and receiving during sex.

    It feels good to receive pleasure. It’s rewarding to give pleasure to someone else. You know how to do both and you excel at each.

    When it’s time to give, you give it your all and make sure your partner feels loved, taken care of, and desired.

    When it’s time to receive, you sop up all that juicy goodness and relish in being worshipped.

    In your younger days, as an unevolved succubus, you may have done all the receiving, maybe even crossed the boundary into taking your sexual satisfaction without the legitimate giving from the other.

    Now, as an evolved sex goddess, you see the benefit in freely giving and freely receiving.

    8. You masturbate mindfully.

    Alright, part of this is that you just love having orgasms for the simple fact it feels so fucking good. Being able to please others is knowing how to please yourself.

    You are able receive sexual energy from another person because you know how to receive pleasure.

    And because you know how to receive pleasure, you allow yourself this indulgence because it relaxes you, calms you, and clears your head.

    From this space of full relaxation, you can move forward in harnessing your creative sexual energy to live your fullest expression of humanity.

    No matter what your past looks like, you beautiful sexy goddess, at this present moment, you have now taken to the streets not to get the mediocre sexual attention you used to crave, but to receive the worship that you deserve.

    You are connected to your inner darkness on such a deep level, that you can rise up to meet others in their darkness, see them there and illuminate them.

    You’re still kickass in bed, you still give transcendent head, but you happen to do so in a way that benefits the other instead of just yourself. Keep embracing the dark sexual nature of your inner succubus and enjoy every second of it.



    If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.


    About the Author:

    Erin Roca is a magical sex coach & educator who uses lots of tools in her practice: yoga, Reiki, tarot, Theta, subconscious & shadow work, among other things. She loves to help people get in touch with their unique sexuality through self-awareness practices and play. She believes in being curious and gentle in navigating the ups and downs of being human.

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