by Nandi Hetenyi
I am your shadow, your dark lady.
I am your protectress. I am your warrioress. I am your deepest power. I am your fragility. I am all that you fear in yourself.
I am here to show you the way to your own light. I am a part of your light. I love you and am seeking you. I am here to be known by you.
What you are seeking is wholeness. You are seeking ME. In my depths, there is nothing but love.
There is nothing but the love that you are because that is what you are.
I am your soul.
I am you. You are me.
This split between us is what causes you much confusion and suffering, seeking me in the Other who is only a reflection of yourself.
I’m not far away from you. You don’t want to know this, but deep down, you know.
I live in your relationships, your work, your tears, your healing, your fears, your patterns, your addictions, your victories, your joys, births, deaths, the deep sadness of disconnection and grasping for it, that simmering feeling of something not feeling right, your anxiety, your depression, grief and wild, wild rage.
I have had many names put on me to make you not want to know me, see me or even utter my name.
Bitch. Whore. Slut. Sensitive. Bossy. Stupid. Cold. Emotional. Messy. Clingy. Too much. Not enough. Needy. Fraud.
These names make you want to avoid me.
These are fears put on me, projections put on me. These are messy parts of your humanness that are homeless. These names push me away.
They divorce you from the solace, compassion, stillness, love and peace that I have to offer.
I have been given other names too.
Kali. Persephone. Innana. Troma. Lillith. Pele. Sekhmet. Hecate.
These are just names. Words. Ideas. Words cannot define me.
I am deep, deep flowing energy that runs through you.
I am powerful energy that feels dangerous to your ego, your identity and all the “shoulds” of your life.
I am fierce. I am dark. I am unwilling to allow you to compromise yourself in your life.
I am compassionate, loving and peaceful.
You cannot have half of me, you must have all of me.
You live in a world that is continually constructed in a massive effort to avoid, deny and ignore my presence while trying to seek pleasures and dreams that cannot truly be embodied, realized or lived into without me.
I want to share with you my wisdom language.
I want you to be willing to sit and listen with me.
I am shadow, but I am not darkness.
I can only exist when there is light.
The depths of me are revealed with the strongest, brightest light.
I am your yearning to return to power, source, soul, wholeness, love, light, intuition, alignment, pleasure and joy.
I am a part of your light.
Learn my wisdom language. My wisdom language is the language and voice of your own soul.
You must be willing.
I invite you, be willing to meet me. To visit me.
Each visit will return you to yourself, to your Spring, to your authentic beauty, strength, purpose and life.
If you are not willing, I will still be here but the confusion and doubt can grow. Winter will feel like a long time.
All I want is for you to avoid this needless suffering.
It can all stop, right here. Right now.
Hear my invitation. Be willing to join me, to meet me, to dance with me…
I will guide you to your vital feminine essence, to your light so that you can naturally, easily shine your whole light fearlessly and bring healing to the world around you.
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About the Author:
Dr. Nandi Hetenyi is a shamanic healer, grief midwife, writer, teacher and soul whisperer. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from CIIS in addition to spending over 15 years studying and practicing Buddhism, yoga, meditation, shamanic journey, ritual, energy healing and personal growth. She envisions a world where we feel comfortable in our own skins and are happy about being a human. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website, www.sacredalchemyhealing.com.
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