by Nandi Hetenyi
Marianne Williamson said that it is our light, our own power, that frightens us the most. Fear serves to protect us, always. What is running the fear? What are we so afraid of?
During a shamanic journey, I met this completely radiant woman wearing a green gown and standing side by side with Mary Magdalene and Mother Mary. She stepped out and greeted me, a familiar and joyful face. She was me.
This highest version of myself, my soul and my light. She was everything I dream of and know to be true in my heart. And, what did I feel? Fear.
I recoiled from my higher self. I felt scared, tears running down my face, wanting to shut down and run away.
Curious, I decided to explore this fear, the sensation that came with it, coursing through my whole body as though I was in danger.
I realized that I was hiding in deep layers of shame.
Not even hiding. Living. I’d been living in these layers of shame as though they were reality rather than veils of grief wrapped around my heart. Shame that developed over many painful situations in my life.
Shame was the only way my inner child knew to interpret scary or painful situations and people. It was the only way my inner child knew to make meaning of feelings being overlooked or ignored, my safety not being of much concern.
It must be me. I must not be that important. I must be the reason people are so upset. There is something wrong with me. That bad feeling at the core of my being, my own soul wound. And, shame.
This is part of our human condition, part of what fuels so much of our lives so much out of our awareness because we live in a culture where shame is practically the air we breathe.
Our culture literally profits from maintaining our shame. And, because this wounding, our soul wound, that wound so close to the core of our essence, usually happens pretty early, we carry this pain and get used to feeling bad.
It’s this powerful, yet subtle energetic underneath the surface of just about anything we try to do…even if that is diving deep into spirituality as a way to fill that void or create a spiritual ego to feel better about ourselves. I’ve done this and, at some point, it stops working.
You forget you are wounded. You also forget you are divine.
When you remember you are divine and have experienced wounds, then you have discovered the road.
The road to unraveling these knots of shame that have prevented you from knowing and feeling and living inside your own wholeness.
Shame drives us to codependency, addiction and seeking anything outside of ourselves to feel some sense of relief (be it a bottle of alcohol, continuous psychedelic journeys, shopping, emotional eating, binge watching, constant scrolling….). It is a killer of hope, dreams and soul.
Shame has a deeper purpose.
It points you in the direction of this sacred soul wound. You feel bad but you aren’t bad.
You are not your wound. These feelings are the divine indicators of where to heal your heart. Where you can get right with your own divinity, heal your relationship with the universe and gather yourself back up into wholeness.
Shame, like all emotions are here to serve you when you learn to translate the message and not try to bring down the messenger, yourself.
Shame can usher you back into your wholeness and teach you how to love your emotional body. It can teach you how to be the mother to yourself that you never had and truly fall in love with each and every sacred chamber of your holy heart.
You are worthy of your divinity.
If this essay resonates with you, please join our WITCH email list by using the forms on this website so we can stay in touch.
About the Author:
Dr. Nandi Hetenyi is a shamanic healer, grief midwife, writer, teacher and soul whisperer. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from CIIS in addition to spending over 15 years studying and practicing Buddhism, yoga, meditation, shamanic journey, ritual, energy healing and personal growth. She envisions a world where we feel comfortable in our own skins and are happy about being a human. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website, www.sacredalchemyhealing.com.
featured image source